A Perfect Romance by Layce Gardner

Author:Layce Gardner [Gardner, Layce]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: romance, Gay & Lesbian
ISBN: 9781594933431
Google: UtyMMAEACAAJ
Amazon: 159493343X
Barnesnoble: 159493343X
Goodreads: 15824263
Publisher: Bella Books
Published: 2013-04-29T00:00:00+00:00

* * *

Dana had been walking on air ever since she’d hung upside down on the monkey bars the night before and it had nothing to do with an engorged brain. She had stayed up the better part of the night writing and didn’t even feel tired. She didn’t even bitch about cleaning out Mrs. Olsen’s garage all day. It was a sure sign that love was invading her body like an airborne infectious disease.

She had a renewed sense of well-being that she usually was only able to achieve after watching It’s a Wonderful Life or reveling in the dopamine rush of an orgasm. This sense of all’s right with the world gave her a new lease on life. Yesterday she wanted to kill herself, or at the very least lock herself away until she grew fingernails as long as Howard Hughes’, but today she was all about exploring her potential with Ellen. Her mission, should she choose to accept it, was to climb out of the hole of Kimmy, figuratively speaking, and dive into the hole of Ellen, literally speaking.

All this thinking about climbing and missions made Dana ravenous. As soon as she got home, she rushed to the kitchen and opened the fridge door to see what there was to eat. There were stacks and stacks of unlabeled Tupperware containers. Maw Maw never threw anything away. If you so much as left one pea on your supper plate she packed it away and you’d find it back on your plate at the next meal.

Dana grabbed the first Tupperware she saw and popped the top.

Ick and double ick. It looked like one of Maw Maw’s experiments. She put it back in the fridge and opted for two slices of bologna, a slice of white bread and a couple of hunks of Velveeta. She was going to make what she called an inside-out sandwich. An inside-out sandwich was exactly what it sounded like: a piece of bread in between two slices of bologna and Velveeta. Whenever Dana got some spare time she was planning on selling this idea to the Oscar Mayer or the Velveeta people. She was sure they’d pay her to put the recipe for her inside-out sandwich on their packaging. The recipe could be her golden ticket out of Dooley Springs. Dana’s only concern was that the bread people might be sore. If her inside-out sandwich was as big as she thought it would be, bread sales would be cut in half. She hoped the bread corporations didn’t send Mr. Slugworth after her like in Willy Wonka.

Dana took a big bite of sandwich and scanned the to-do list she had posted on the fridge door one day when she was under the influence of Hoarders. All she had accomplished was writing the list, but according to the show’s certified professional organizers, that was at least a step in the right direction.

The to-do list read: “Wash windows. Clean top of fridge. Dust ceiling fans. Lose ten pounds.”

Somebody (her

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