A Happy Life in an Open Relationship by Susan Wenzel

Author:Susan Wenzel [Wenzel, Susan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Chronicle Books LLC
Published: 2020-03-14T16:00:00+00:00

PRACTICING SELF-CARE

Practicing self-care is an essential part of well-being. Self-care is like putting an oxygen mask on yourself first before taking care of your loved ones. If we neglect our personal well-being, we cannot be of use to ourselves or others.

In my own life, I have organized my schedule so that I work Monday through Thursday, which leaves Friday as my day for self-care. My Friday self-care activities include sleeping in, cooking my favorite African foods, going out for lunch with friends, reading books, and meeting new people who might become polyamorous partners. I cannot emphasize enough how vital it is for everyone, not only people in open relationships, to take self-care seriously. I believe the busyness of life, the increase in stress-related illnesses, and the dearth of time for people to take care of themselves all contribute to the high rates of health-related concerns in our society.

Some of my clients report that they feel guilty every time they take time for themselves. I remind them that they are the most important person in their life, and that they need to take care of themselves first if they want to be able to take care of others.

Every person is different in the way they practice self-care, and it’s important for each person to figure out which types of self-care works for them. Some self-care can foster a feeling of tranquility, growth, self-acceptance, positive attitude, pleasure, and excitement. I encourage my female clients to practice a self-care ritual inspired by Emily Nagoski, the author of Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. Emily encourages women to schedule time to have a date with themselves to explore their genitals. A lot of women have never seen their vulva, vagina, clitoris, and their other wonderful sexual parts.16 To practice this ritual, I recommend preparing a bubble bath, having a glass of wine or cup of tea, and then using a mirror to look at your vulva and speak out loud wonderful things about it. This is also a great time to learn to self-pleasure because, unless you learn to please yourself, others will have difficulty pleasing you as well. I believe masturbation is one of the most soothing techniques of self-care.

Not everyone finds genital positive affirmation exercises helpful. People who are survivors of sexual abuse might need psychological assistance and therapeutic intervention to help them bond again with their bodies. And some of my transgender clients find this exercise of genital positive affirmation challenging because they feel their genitals do not represent who they are. As they work toward sex reassignment surgery, I recommend they focus on the body parts that they do love and are authentic and aligned with who they are.

There are many ways to practice self-care, so spend some time finding the methods and practices that work best for you. Self-care does not need to be expensive; it could just mean going for a walk and connecting with nature, taking a bubble bath, socializing, skydiving, traveling, reading, or doing meditative practices.

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