A Frenchwoman's Guide to Sex after Sixty by Marie de Hennezel

Author:Marie de Hennezel
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Greystone Books
Published: 2017-11-06T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SEVEN

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Other erotic ways

What is slow sex and what does it involve?

Are orgasms necessary? What if the answer to sexual fulfilment is to make less of it?

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“I’m only just beginning to understand their erotic rites, the process of assimilation by which the man comes to identify himself, even in his sensations, as one with the woman he is taking, and to imagine he is her while remaining himself.”

André Malraux, The Royal Way62

Making love slowly

THE MEN AND women who have taken part in my research have all confirmed one thing: the way they have sex has changed. It has become more sensual and tender, and slower. It has become “different.”

I’m not saying that young people don’t explore the “slow sex” trend. I’m saying that older people adopt it by force of circumstance.

Ageing men who continue to have desires and make love have completely changed their attitudes towards their penises. They have finally understood what sex therapists and women have said all along: size almost doesn’t matter! They have distanced themselves, with a wry smile, from the image of the super-virile man that haunts the minds of so many men, and from the temptation to take the little blue pill that’s supposed to make their penises as hard as steel whenever and wherever they take it.

So the older generation is encouraged to forget about performance. They no longer see orgasms as the be-all and end-all. They have also discovered that by letting their bodies do their thing, and by ceasing to be obsessed with erections and climaxing, they become much more present in their intimate encounters. You could say they make love with heightened awareness.

Many books extolling slow sex have come out recently. They all say pretty much the same thing: we must shift from “faster, harder” to exploring something else—namely, a slow kind of sexuality that has been a key practice for millennia in countries such as China and India.

What does this new, Eastern-inspired sexuality involve? Taking your time and forgetting the destination. It’s the erotic journey that counts. And it’s a sensual one. Skin is equipped with numerous touch sensors. Why not take the time to slowly awaken all the body’s erogenous zones and caress them in every way possible? If you make the journey with full awareness, if you are completely present in what you feel, then you are also completely present with your partner and can achieve an unparalleled feeling of erotic union.

Tantric women

I WAS REALLY intrigued by what Philippe had told me about his Tantra course, so I decided to go and find out about it for myself. I could have just read books on the subject, but I thought it would be best to experience it first-hand. So I enrolled in a course called “The Tantric Woman,” which I’ll try to summarize for you now.63 I chose a women-only course, because I was scared of being alone in a mixed-sex group for my first experience and I was keen to understand the mysteries of Tantra in a relaxed setting.

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