A Force to Be Reckoned With by Erin Thomas

Author:Erin Thomas
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 2020-10-28T19:03:35+00:00

Chapter 11

Faith Obstacle Course

By now, you can see that my faith in God was always present in my life. The title of this section rings true to me because of growing up as a pastor’s kid and all of the politics that come with being in the household of a pastor. It continued to ring true following the rape. For several years after the rape, especially my junior and senior years of college and while I was living in Tennessee, if anyone had tried to help me cope or attempted to give me direction and answers by just giving me scripture verses or telling me to pray more, I would likely have responded with anger, frustration, and mean-spirited questions. In those years, I didn’t completely run away from my faith and belief in God, but I was angry. I had questions like, Why did you let that happen to me? How could you? and Why didn’t you stop him? I believe it is okay to have those questions or feel a certain way about faith in God after a horrifying situation or life-changing event. I also believe that is part of the process of healing.

I want to be clear on this next statement. I have no issue with God, Jesus Christ, or the Holy Spirit. I have no issues with the Christian church, as the Christian church is a group of people with mutual beliefs that Jesus Christ is the Lord and Savior. My issue is with the institutional church and its politics. For me, when I say institutional church I am not challenging the Christian foundation that believes in Jesus Christ as the risen Lord and Savior. I am bringing into question how the people that make up the church (clergy, staff, administration, and members of the church) address tough issues like sexual assault in their community and in the church itself. I went through a period of time where I was upset and angry at God because of what happened, but I also believe the Holy Spirit was the only thing that allowed me to fight back the day of the rape. I am aware it sounds crazy to question something and believe in it at the same time, but it is possible.

I feel that some churches push a survivor to forgive instantaneously, before considering how they feel and helping them get to a place of forgiveness. Ephesians 4:31–32 states, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in God in Christ forgave you.”7 I believe in forgiveness and in this verse. I was given this verse as a reference when I was initially struggling with the pain and hurt, unpacking what happened to me. For me and many survivors, getting to the point of forgiving is a long process and a struggle. Pushing a survivor to forgive before they are ready could do the opposite and

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