Your College Launch Story by John D. Basie

Author:John D. Basie
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Impact 360 Institute
Published: 2015-12-31T00:00:00+00:00

The two friends’ conversation this time focused on the ongoing challenge Katie has had with her mother’s emotionally intense reactions, or her “freak-outs.” In this case, Sandra’s reactions were highlighted as the problem, and Katie was portrayed as an innocent victim of her mother’s wrath. While that does happen, I realize it isn’t always the case. Very often, a student makes a bad choice or directly defies or deceives parents in some way. Whether or not your student has done something wrong isn’t really the point; the point is that if you struggle with keeping your emotions in check with your student when he or she shares something disappointing, your relationship with him or her is at risk. It may have been at risk for quite some time already.

Trust me on this. I’ve coached too many students who have shared that they can’t tell their parents something important because they fear they will once again get “whacked” in some way, by one or both. In other words, they don’t feel safe, respected, or valued. It isn’t that most students don’t want to be held accountable, at least not in my experience; and it isn’t that they don’t want a relationship with their parents. In fact, every student I’ve ever taught or coached, deep down wants a meaningful relationship with both parents. But if a student has become accustomed to getting “whacked,” then what do you think he or she has learned to do? Avoid the pain of the “whack.” So, typically what that looks like is the student choosing to not share some really important things with parents. What that amounts to is hiding certain things from them because the student perceives that it won’t be safe to share.

I’m not saying, parents, that you shouldn’t have hard conversations with your student or hold him or her accountable in appropriate ways. Your student, however, is now an adult—yes, an adult. As hard as that may be for you to perceive and believe, it is the truth. He or she may be an immature adult, but that doesn’t change the reality that your student is no longer a little boy or little girl.

That being said, he or she is going through some tremendous changes in this transition to college. Do you remember what it was like for you? You may have experienced all kinds of self-doubt, fears, and disappointments. You also had some memorable successes. It’s no different for your son or daughter. No matter what, he or she wants that relationship with you. So in those moments when you’re tempted to freak out, remember that your son or daughter is an image-bearer who wants and needs to tell you something important.

In those moments when you’re tempted to freak out, remember that your son or daughter is an image-bearer who wants and needs to tell you something important.

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