Unconquerable by Boris Starling

Author:Boris Starling
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2017-07-12T04:00:00+00:00

4

HOW CHARGED WITH PUNISHMENTS THE SCROLL

Marriage is tough; marriage in the military is 10 times tougher. When a service member enlists, so does their family. Being a military spouse – and nine times out of 10 that means being a military wife – can sometimes feel like you get all the downsides of forces’ life and precious few of the upsides.

The man you love is out in a war zone, but he has his mates around him and he’s doing what he was trained to do. You, on the other hand, have no control and all the worry: that low-level, nagging itch that one morning the doorbell will ring and there’ll be two men in uniform standing on the doorstep, and just from the look on their faces you’ll know how bad it is before they’ve even said a word.

Want to talk to your husband on deployment? You can’t: at least, you can’t when you want to, only when he’s able to spare the time and get a connection. Even then, it’ll only be for a couple of minutes at a time, no more. No Skype, no FaceTime. You can’t ask him how his day is or what he’s doing, or where he is or when he’s coming back, because he’s not allowed to tell you any of that. You can’t tell him about anything bad at home because you don’t want to stress him out when there’s nothing he can do about it. You can tell him that you love him and you miss him, but he already knows that. You hope.

What do you miss? People always ask you this and they always smirk when they do, expecting the obvious answer. But that’s not what you miss most. What you miss most is just having him around, those little moments of connection between husband and wife: sitting on the sofa, laughing together at some cheesy sitcom on TV, standing unseen in the doorway as he reads the kids a bedtime story and they look up at him with wide eyes full of endless love, the cup of tea he brings you first thing every morning.

When he’s off on deployment, the house feels very still. You can hear everything, even the smallest sounds, the ones you don’t notice when he’s there: the swirl of the wine as you pour yourself a glass, the children shifting in their sleep upstairs, the thoughts and worries chasing themselves round and round your head.

So you keep yourself busy because otherwise you’ll go mad. Work can eat up lots of hours, family much more. You’re basically a single parent, so you have to be both Mum and Dad and do everything: cooking, washing, ironing, school runs, changing nappies, walking the dog, putting the rubbish out, getting the car fixed, organising birthday parties, dealing with teachers and bank managers, calling the plumber or the electrician, doing the tax returns, paying the bills. Everything. Even lawyers, because when your husband’s in the military then things like wills

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