The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted . . . But Chose to Ignore by Natasha Burton & Julie Fishman

Author:Natasha Burton & Julie Fishman [Burton, Natasha]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781440524868
Publisher: F+W Media, Inc.
Published: 2011-05-17T18:30:00+00:00

He’s grown indifferent toward you.

Red-Flag Rule #26: It’s better to have loved and lost than to be stuck in a relationship that’s no longer full of love at all.

Sure, after a couple of years of being with someone, you may not feel all giddy woo-hoo about him, but if the feelings of love between you seem to completely die and decompose, that’s no good. If your guy really is the one for you, he’ll show you that he wants to be with you ten, twenty, even fifty years down the road.

WTF? “My ex-boyfriend’s grand gesture to try to win me back—two years after we broke up—was a totally out-of-the-blue e-mail from him in which he said he wanted to try again and put in the effort to really make things works. There was one telltale sign, however, that he wasn’t so set in his intentions: At the bottom of the e-mail I found ‘Sent from my iPhone.’ If he was so ‘serious’ about getting back together, how come he couldn’t have used his phone to actually call me and tell me so?”

Being comfortable with your partner is not the same as being indifferent to his or her presence. When your guy’s attitude turns nonchalant, or even apathetic, your relationship with him is pretty much over. Writer and Nobel Peace Prize winner Elie Wiesel is credited with the often-quoted phrase that the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. And we have to agree with him.

In fact, divorced couples often pinpoint the beginning of the end of their marriages as the moment when they “checked out.” A relationship hinges on your engagement in it—even fighting is better than completely not caring at all. If you feel like he’s just going through the motions, it likely means there’s a lack of emotion. A half-hearted boyfriend will only fill you with resentment. Find someone who’ll love you without hesitation.

BIG RED-FLAG STORY:

“My roommate’s boyfriend lives in Manhattan (we’re in the Midwest) and she flies out every other weekend to visit him. When she comes back home, I ask her how her trip was, what they did, etc., and it’s always the same story: They stayed at his place, he sat on the couch and watched football, drinking beer while she cooked meals for them. He’s never once planned something fun for them to do together, not even going on a walk around Central Park or taking her out to dinner.

“She’s told me that it bothers her how he just sits on his ass the whole weekend (while she waits on him), but she won’t say anything because she’s convinced she can’t do any better. Of course, I’m not there on those visits, nor do I expect him to take her to a Broadway show every time she goes to the city, but, from my perspective, it’s a huge red flag that they only get to spend six days a month together and he chooses to watch TV and get wasted.”

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