The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages by Marcus Warner

Author:Marcus Warner
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Moody Publishers
Published: 2019-10-02T16:00:00+00:00

APPENDIX 3

More “Appreciate Daily” Exercises

Food and Joy 15 MIN

During your wedding reception, you probably fed your new spouse a piece of cake. Some of you were feisty and smeared it on your beloved’s face. Either way, wide smiles surely donned your faces. This exercise focuses on the feeding part of the fun—not so much the smearing! Meals are one of the best times to build joy. Eating together provides a golden opportunity to share the gift of your attention and connect with your mate. We now turn our sights to using this wonderful food and joy combination to spark smiles.

1. Start by sharing a few highlights from your day. This warms up your brain’s relational circuits. 3 MIN

2. Take turns feeding each other a meal, snack, or dessert. Yes, this may feel awkward, but have fun and laugh. While you feed each other, express what you enjoy about each other, including how you feel your spouse “feeds you” spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and relationally. 8 MIN

3. Once you finish this interaction, talk about what you noticed from the experience. 2 MIN

4. Close with quiet cuddling and resting together. 2 MIN

Write Your Joy 15 MIN

As Marcus said earlier, composing a love letter can be a meaningful activity that you will cherish for years to come. This heartfelt exchange provides an opportunity to express your heart and share your love the old-fashioned way. You will need paper and pen for this exercise.

1. Take a moment to think about what you love about your spouse, then write your spouse a love letter. While this doesn’t have to be volumes of books, it does need to be longer than three sentences. Take the necessary time to complete this task. 6 MIN

2. When finished, take turns reading your love letter to your spouse. 6 MIN

3. Discuss what you enjoyed about this exercise, then close with quiet cuddling and resting. 3 MIN

Run for Joy 15 MIN

Our nervous system cycles between high energy and low energy states. Some of us tend to be high-energy responders who prefer activity, motion, and movement. We pursue activities that get our adrenaline pumping. Some of us are low-energy responders who prefer restful and soothing activities. We like our quiet time with a cup of tea and soft music. It helps to identify the preferences of our nervous system so we can plan activities that best match the needs and styles in our marriage.

One way to better gauge and identify our preferences is by looking at our response to feeling shame. Low-energy responders tend to beat themselves up when they feel ashamed: “I can’t do anything right! I am such a fool!” High-energy responders, however, tend to beat other people up when they feel shame: “You can’t do anything right! You are such a fool!” While we may relate to both reactions, we all tend to lean toward one style. Low-energy responders can be quick to blame themselves while high-energy responders can be quick to blame other people. Now let’s practice the exercise to see what best fits you and your spouse.

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