Sonic Warrior by Lou Brutus

Author:Lou Brutus
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rare Bird Books
Published: 2020-03-30T23:06:26+00:00

THE TIME GENE SIMMONS OF KISS PROVED TO BE

THE HOTTEST BOWLER IN THE LAND

As a misguided, rock ’n’ roll loving lad, I was a member of the most-derided fan club in all of music history: the KISS Army. However, as I don’t really give a shit whether KISS is cool or not to other people, I’ve retained my army rank through the years and return from my grease-paint-covered tours of duty with a real-life war story from the front lines of the rock wars.

First of all, we need to clear up a couple of misconceptions about KISS bassist Gene Simmons, and the band’s music. Then I’ll hit you with some personal KISS-related background, and then the story.

First of all, Gene Simmons is not an asshole. There. I said it.

Don’t get me wrong. There is no greater wheeler-dealer in the rock world than Gene. I should know, the guy got a piece of every fucking quarter that passed through my hands in my early teenage years that didn’t go into a pinball machine.

And he even got a lot of those quarters via the KISS pinball machines.

(SIDE NOTE: If this book actually sells and I make some money with it, the first thing I’m going to buy is a KISS pin-ball machine.)

Anyway, I don’t fault Gene for wanting to make a ton of dough. He’s honest about it. He’s up-front about it. And when he has time, he’s one of the nicest and most giving rock stars with fans, as this story will prove. He’s not forcing anyone to buy anything from him. If it makes people happy, then let them buy all the fucking KISS merchandise that they want.

Besides, both Vinnie Paul and his brother “Dimebag” Darrell of Pantera were buried in KISS Kaskets. If KISS merch was good enough for the Abbott brothers to spend immortality in, then it’s good enough for me.

The second misconception is that the music of KISS sucks. It doesn’t. It’s awesome. There. I said it.

Okay, I’ll admit that it’s not Beethoven. Unless it’s the song “Great Expectations” from their landmark album, Destroyer, which is partially based on Ludwig van Beethoven’s “Piano Sonata No. 8 in C minor.” Other than that, it’s not Beethoven. But much of it is brilliant pieces of insanely catchy pop metal.

And some people think I’m nuts when I say it, but I really believe that KISS is in many ways akin to another of my fave bands: The Ramones. Both groups started up in New York City at roughly the same time. Both bands were widely discounted for their music because of their style of dress. And, most importantly, both bands were mischaracterized for their music genres—punk for the Ramones, and heavy metal for KISS. They were really pop rock bands basing their sound on the great AM radio hits of the 1960s, which they all grew up on. Yeah, they both were later regarded as titans of their genres, but at their hearts were both doing short musical gems that should have been all over the radio.

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