Making Marriage Simple by Harville Hendrix

Author:Harville Hendrix [Hendrix, Harville]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-7704-3713-8
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2013-03-11T16:00:00+00:00

It feels great to be connected!

START WITH THE MOLE HILL, NOT THE MOUNTAIN …

A word of caution: Start off small—with the mole hill rather than the mountain. We know you’ve probably got a lot of things you’re frustrated about.

But go slow here. Remember, often what we want most from our partner are the things that are hardest for our partner to give. When your partner succeeds with the easy things, they can then grow to take on the bigger challenges.

For example, your frustration might be: “I feel like we don’t spend time together anymore.” Of the options you offer, your partner may choose to cuddle with you on the couch for at least fifteen minutes every evening for a week—and then actually do it. Meeting your request might feel good to your partner: Even though you’re asking something of them, you’re still giving them a choice. And it can be such a relief to them when they know exactly what to do!

Following through on what they said they would do empowers your partner. And what do you think they’re going to want to do with that wonderful feeling of empowerment surging through their veins? You got it—take on some more! Set them up for success and they will be happy to do this again and again.

Criticism kills your partner’s motivation. Many of us are so good at proving to our partners what failures they are, that they give up hope. Your job is to encourage and empower your partner, and the BCR can help them get there! Before you know it, you’ll be resting in a Space Between that’s glowing with love.

The BCR teaches both you and your partner to stretch.

Your partner will grow by agreeing to—and actually following through with—one of your three requests. And you will grow by receiving what they offer, which is a gift to them as well.

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