Love On The Road by Peter Styles

Author:Peter Styles [Styles, Peter]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-01-25T16:00:00+00:00

10

Damian

He has a dream that night, sleeping in a motel bed with Jordan. The past comes back to him in one timeless rush, memories fueling a strange and otherworldly dreamland. Damian hears his father’s voice, the shattering of glass, and then he’s waking up with a jolt, a soundless cry stuck behind his lips. He tries to calm himself, thinking you have nothing to be terrified of, you’re safe and with Jordan, but facts don’t mean anything to the dark spot in his heart.

“You okay?” Jordan murmurs, voice rough with sleep. Damian feels a little guilty for waking him up.

“Yeah. Fine. Just a bad dream. It’s nothing.” For better or for worse, Jordan clearly doesn’t believe him. He rolls over, watching Damian quietly before he ventures to talk again.

“You can tell me, if you want.”

Damian still isn’t sure he wants to explain. He decides to go halfway, though, because he likes this thing they’re developing and it’s starting to feel like maybe they could be more. He feels like they’ve been comfortably slipping into a relationship like a second skin, like they’ve always known how to be together. It’s more than just attraction, he thinks. It’s also a trust and admiration he hasn’t known for some time.

“There was a time, when I was younger, that my father was an alcoholic. It wasn’t long; maybe a few months, but it felt like forever. He always worked so hard to make things work for me as a single parent and I felt like I let him down... like maybe I could have stopped him.”

“You were a kid,” Jordan says quietly. “He was your father. You’re not supposed to save him. It’s the other way around.”

Jordan looks sad. More than just sympathetic, he looks like he wishes things were different. Easier. Damian’s glad for that. He’s too used to people being pitying, filling the air with trite phrases like that must have been hard. He’s too used to shock and murmurs. He feels a little better having told Jordan. Damian hadn’t said it to test him, but he thinks maybe if it were a test, Jordan would have passed.

“I guess,” Damian says, feeling a weight lift from his chest. “I probably took on responsibility too quickly as a kid. I also ran away a lot, though. When I didn’t know what to do or how to stop him, I’d run off to a friend’s house or to hide. It’s hard to break old habits.”

It’s been his only problem for as long as he can remember. He never stays too long in one place because really, deep down, he’s afraid of failing. He’s afraid of letting people down. Damian always leaves before he can mess things up, a compulsion driven into him since the days when he’d catch wind of his father’s depressed mood and sneak out of the house. It’s cowardly, he always tells himself, but he does it anyway before he can stop himself. Except for now. Now, he somehow feels safe. Reassured.

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