How to Make People Like You: 19 Science-Based Methods to Increase Your Charisma, Spark Attraction, Win Friends, and Connect Effortlessly (Communication Skills Training Book 5) by Williams James W

Author:Williams, James W. [Williams, James W.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Published: 2021-01-22T16:00:00+00:00

Method 9 – How to Open Up and Become Vulnerable

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.” – Madeleine L'Engle

Brene Brown, a famous psychology researcher, author, and motivational speaker, speaks about how the most crucial aspect to think about when it comes to being happy and forming positive, meaningful, and fulfilling relationships with others comes down to being vulnerable. Being vulnerable, you may ask? Surely not.

When most people think of being vulnerable, they think it means to be weak or damaged. If I ask you to think about a “vulnerable animal,” you’ll probably think of a rescue animal before it’s been rescued, or one that’s been hurt and is being hunted by a predator on a nature documentary. Either way, it’s not somewhere you consciously want to be.

But that’s not entirely true.

When I, Brene Brown, or anybody else interested in happiness and social well-being talk about vulnerability, we’re talking about the art of opening yourself up and being your true self, both with yourself and when you’re around other people. Here’s an example.

Let’s say you’re in a relationship with someone, and you have some trust issues. Your last partner cheated on you, and now you have these niggly little thoughts, doubts, and insecurities that come up now and then. They play on your mind and make you miserable, but you don’t want to talk about them with your partner out of fear of being rejected. They might think you’re silly or weak-minded, or even stupid for having these thoughts, so you keep them to yourself.

Anything that happens that triggers these feelings, you put up walls and push down insecurities, always trying not to think about them and never opening up and talking to other people, especially your partner, about them.

A situation like this never ends well. These insecurities build up and up over time, and eventually, they’ll spill over the edge. You’ll resent your partner because they keep triggering you, even though you won’t know this at the time. Your paranoid attitude will cause you to do things like checking your partner’s social media over and over or even reading through their text messages to see who they’re talking to. We all do weird things in our relationships like this from time to time, but is it a healthy relationship? Of course not.

A healthy relationship would require you to be vulnerable and open up about your insecurities. This means being vulnerable and talking to your partner about how you feel and the stuff you’re going through. Sure, they may try and help, or they may not know what to say, but that’s not the point. The point is that you’re opening up and allowing yourself to be out there and open to the world. You’re saying this is me and what I’m going through, both good and bad, and I don’t need to be ashamed of any of it.

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