Folly and Forgiveness: A Pride and Prejudice Variation by Lizzy Brandon

Author:Lizzy Brandon [Brandon, Lizzy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lizzy Brandon
Published: 2017-09-30T22:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 23

Over the following days Darcy considered Colonel Fitzwilliam’s words and his own behavior towards Elizabeth. Mortifying as it was, he must admit to the truth of his cousin’s conclusions.

Would his sense of duty outweigh his feelings for Elizabeth if he knew she cared for him? He was not certain, but felt it probable. Could Elizabeth possibly care for him if he could convince her that he did not dislike her? Again, he was not certain. Would a life with Elizabeth and her love be worth incurring the costs such a connection would involve? Such was the only thing he could be certain of.

How he could accomplish such a feat, he did not know, but he would make the effort. If he had to follow her to Hertfordshire when she left Kent, he would do so.

Darcy was delighted when Lady Catherine invited the residents of the parsonage to dinner as they left the church. He had spent most of the service contemplating how he could demonstrate to Elizabeth that he admired her.

Darcy turned to catch Colonel Fitzwilliam watching him.

“You appear to be planning, cousin.”

“Indeed, I am.”

“Good man,” the colonel replied as he slapped Darcy on the shoulder and walked on.

Darcy would make more of an effort to be pleasant. He could not assume that Elizabeth would understand his feelings or motives, so he must be more overt than he was accustomed to behaving. He could not help but think of Miss Bennet and her social mask. Bingley may not have been able to discern the level of Miss Bennet’s feelings, but she had at least been able to convey that she liked him. Darcy had been so intent upon disguising his admiration that he had pushed Elizabeth further away. To counteract his past behavior, he would have to be much more open with Elizabeth.

The women of London did everything in their power to catch his attention and were delighted with his company no matter how he behaved. He knew much of their delight in his presence was due to the size and prosperity of his estate rather than his personality, which was likely the reason he had never found any of them worth adjusting his behavior. He had never needed to exert himself much socially given how much his company was sought after. When his company was not sought by those attempting to gain from the acquaintance, Darcy was happy to be left to himself. He had few friends, but he valued and trusted those few intensely. He saw no need to accumulate further shallow acquaintances.

But for Elizabeth, he would make the effort, painful as he knew it would be. Losing her forever would be far more painful than the temporary discomfort of socializing. Once he could make her understand how much he admired her, conversing with her would become easier. She would begin to understand him better and he would no longer need to act so out of character, for she would understand that he was not scowling at her from across a room.

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