Evolutionary Love Relationships by Andrew Harvey & Chris Saade

Author:Andrew Harvey & Chris Saade
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-9947843-4-6
Publisher: Enrealment Press

The Psychological Paradoxes That Couples Experience

—Chris Saade

Paradox is part of the essence of the nature of reality, including, for many ancient spiritualities, of divine reality. The understanding of paradox is crucial for the unleashing of love. When we work at accepting paradox and integrating paradox, we achieve something that is very special. We achieve becoming at peace—at peace with our sacred humanity and our sacred authentic spirit. It is the understanding of the paradox of life, life with its beauty and great disappointments, that protects us from succumbing to nihilism.

Life itself is a powerful paradox of both peacefulness and passion—joy and grief, wounds and blessings. We grow in love or we come to love life as it is—life in its full paradoxical givens. There is the beautiful story about Jesus who “came to reconcile to himself all things, whether on Earth or in Heaven.” He came to reconcile us with our nature, with who we are. When we are not at peace with the paradoxical nature of our being, we are at war with that nature. We expect that we are going to transcend our paradoxical life, and we cannot, so we become deeply aggrieved or in despair. When we are at war with that nature, we are paralyzed and we are depressed and we are battered and we don’t have the energy to give to loving the world and loving our partner.

In most psychological and spiritual literature, paradox has been exiled and shunned. Instead, the goal is to achieve total peace, total harmony, total oneness, and total contentment. This puts us into an even greater battle with the reality of who we are on this sacred journey.

In Greek and Phoenician thinking, the number two was essential, and the number two meant paradox. It is said that to be able to walk with the gods and goddesses, you had to understand the meaning of the number two. When you walk with the Divine you will be filled with enthusiasm, but you will also be filled with the grief of the Divine. You will be filled with the power and the inspiration of the Divine as well as the sensitivity of the Divine. The idea of paradox was central to the teaching of the Chinese Tao. It is crucial for the flowering of evolutionary love, to grasp the significance and the power of the paradox.

There are six paradoxes that come up a great deal in the psychological life of a couple. The first one is strength and vulnerability. Most couples have a lot of strength, both individually and as a couple. They also have a lot of vulnerabilities. Individually and as a couple, both strength and vulnerability need to be honored. We must not see strength as the part we respect and vulnerability as the part that is weak. Vulnerability is part of the genius of love, and part of the ability to feel love.

The second paradox within relationship is joy and grief. To get together and celebrate joy is a great gift—but so is the sharing of grief.

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