Demian: The Story of Emil Sinclair's Youth by Hermann Hesse

Author:Hermann Hesse [Hesse, Hermann]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Literary, Classics, Fiction
ISBN: 9781101590560
Google: Jt24HDlqlS0C
Publisher: Penguin
Published: 2013-07-29T23:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER FIVE

THE BIRD FIGHTS ITS WAY OUT OF THE EGG

My painted dream-bird was on its way, in search of my friend. Then, in the strangest way, an answer came back to me.

One day in class, after a break between lessons, I found a note stuck in the book on my desk. It was folded exactly the way my classmates typically folded the notes they would occasionally pass during class; I wondered only who might have given it to me, since I had never had that kind of friendship with any of my classmates. I thought it must be an invitation to join in on some kind of schoolboy prank, which I wouldn’t do anyway, and I stuck the note unread in the front of my book. Only later, during the lesson, by chance, did my hand come across it again.

I played with the sheet of paper, unfolded it without thinking, and found a few words written inside. I glanced at it, my eyes rested on one of the words, and I read the note in shock while my heart clenched as though freezing cold at this new turn of fate:

“The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Whoever wants to be born must destroy a world. The bird flies to god. The god is called Abraxas.”

I read these lines over and over and sank deep into thought. There could be no doubt: it was an answer from Demian. No one knew about the bird except him and me. My picture had reached him. He had understood and was helping me interpret it. But how did everything fit together? And—what tormented me most of all—what did “Abraxas” mean? I had never heard or read the word before in my life. “The god is called Abraxas!”

The lesson went by without my hearing a word. Then the next class started—the last class of the afternoon. It was taught by a young assistant teacher, Doctor Follen, only recently out of university; we liked him for just that reason, because he was so young and didn’t put on airs with us.

He was taking us through Herodotus—one of the few subjects in school that truly interested me. But this time I couldn’t pay any attention to it. I had mechanically opened my book, but I didn’t follow the translation and remained sunk in thought. Incidentally, I had already confirmed for myself, many times over, how true what Demian had told me in confirmation class was: whatever you wanted strongly enough happened. Whenever I was deeply occupied with my own thoughts during class, I could relax and know the teacher would leave me alone. If you were distracted or drowsy, then he would suddenly be standing there, true: that had happened to me as well. But when you were really concentrating, really lost in thought, you were protected. I had also tried out his trick of the fixed stare and found it reliable too. Back when I was in school with

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