Dear Parent Caring For Infants With Respect Expanded Edition by Magda Gerber

Author:Magda Gerber
Language: eng
Format: epub

Dorothy was much fussier and more dependent on me than my first child. It seemed she would never sleep, no matter how much I would nurse her, rock her, jiggle her or pat her, and she hated to be put down at all. I really felt at my wit’s end; but I had read that some babies just need a lot more attention and comfort and a lot less sleep than others, and I guessed that’s who Dorothy was.

It’s hard for me to believe the transformation we’ve both gone through as a result of my taking Magda’s class [at Pacific Oaks College]. To begin with, and despite my skepticism, I decided to try Magda’s suggestion that babies spend some time playing on the floor. I put Dorothy on her back with a few toys near her. To my astonishment, rather than crying, she really enjoyed herself and in fact spent the first few times figuring how to roll over. I discovered that she could entertain herself.

Then I brought Dorothy with me to an all-day class, since I was uncomfortable leaving her at home for eight hours. Magda had all of us “observe” her, and I was so proud at how comfortable Dorothy seemed quietly playing, rolling, stretching, and reaching while we watched. I realized how much more delight I was finding in her, since learning to let her play on her own.

After about an hour, when Dorothy started to fuss mildly, I leaped to my feet, declaring that she was surely hungry, and nursed her for a few minutes. I put her down again, and a few minutes later she began to fuss again. Inside, I panicked. I just knew that unless I started major walking and jiggling she would get hysterical.

Magda gently asked me what I thought the problem was, and how I would solve it at home. I replied that I didn’t know what the problem was, and at home I would pick her up. Magda then commented that to her, Dorothy seemed tired, and suggested that I wait a few minutes to see what happened. I waited, fully expecting a hurricane. Instead, first Dorothy moved her head back and forth a few times, then popped her fingers in her mouth, and fell asleep. It was the first time I had ever seen my child fall asleep on her own. My mouth was hanging open like a trap door.

Magda then suggested that falling asleep is a skill. While everyone learns it sooner or later (unfortunately, for a few, it is never easy without external—often pharmaceutical—aids), as parents we can best help our children to learn this skill by trusting that they can, and by refraining from the interference that conveys to them that they can’t. I felt like one of those cartoon characters with a light bulb flashing over my head. Theory and application merged as I watched my daughter peacefully sleep through the rest of the morning class, soothing herself back to sleep when a noise disturbed her.

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