Be Happy Without Being Perfect by Alice D. Domar Ph.D

Be Happy Without Being Perfect by Alice D. Domar Ph.D

Author:Alice D. Domar, Ph.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9780307406170
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2008-03-03T16:00:00+00:00


PRIORITIZE THE “WANT-TO” TASKS

* * *

There are a million tasks in every house, from making beds to taking out the garbage. Some have to be done—keeping the kitchen safe, for example. If you're defrosting chicken, you don't want juice dripping down the counter and onto the floor where your toddler can lick it. Bathroom hygiene is also pretty important—it's no fun for anyone when the bathroom smells. Those are some “have-to” tasks.

Then there are the “want-to” tasks. These include things like making beds and putting up curtains that match the sofa.

Perfectionists tend to put the want-to tasks on the have-to list. An important way of releasing yourself from perfectionism's grip is to draw clear lines between what you have to do and what you want to do. You have to take out the trash. You don't have to put the spices in alphabetical order.

That's not to say you shouldn't do the “want-to” tasks. If you have time and they make you happy, go ahead and do them. But make them the first things you'll jettison when you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed, as Sandra does:

I just picked twenty-five pints of raspberries, and this weekend I made jam and pies. I'm just as capable of buying a pie. I am proud that I can do this, but I'm not above stopping at the farm stand and buying a pie.

Once you've separated the have-tos from the want-tos, take a closer look at the want-to list. Spend some time putting the items in priority order. What's most important to you? In my house, the number one item on the want-to list is making the beds. I grew up with a very meticulous Russian father, and we didn't leave the room in the morning without making the bed. It's really important to me now that beds always be made—I can't stand walking into my room and seeing my bed unmade. I also don't like having dirty dishes in the sink, so before I go to bed, I usually make sure the sink is empty, although since I've been working on this book I've been more likely to leave them there until the next morning. But vacuuming? I can let that go. Baking from scratch? Forget about it. I do these things when I have time, but if I don't, I know what I should focus on: The have-to tasks and the very top of the want-to list. Over time you'll find yourself letting go, as Betty has:

I don't cook much, so the kitchen isn't a big problem. I don't obsess about it being clean. However, if I'm defrosting chicken on the counter, even in plastic, and the counter gets wet, even though I know it's condensation and not chicken juice, I still get skeeved out. I wash down that section of the counter with antibacterial spray even though I know rationally that there are no germs there.

I'm starting to let the kids' rooms go. I want the sun room downstairs to be neat and picked up, so I let go on the bedrooms.



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