A Friend in Me by Pamela Havey Lau

Author:Pamela Havey Lau
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Psalm 119, Psalms, Women Discussion, Forgiveness, Compassion, Conversations About Sex, Women Mentor, Friendship, Pamela Havey Lau, Pam Lau
Publisher: David C Cook
Published: 2015-04-21T04:00:00+00:00

The accuser wants us to feel as if we’re dressed in filthy clothes because then we’ll live in shame. Women who feel shame often avoid getting close to others because they fear having their shame exposed.

But when we help a young woman recognize the accusing voices and discount them as lies or counter them with the truth, we strengthen her ability to follow God’s command to forgive, which lessens the likelihood that she will live in shame. Forgiveness silences the accuser’s voice in our heads and leads to encouragement.

Remember, Jesus died in order to forgive our sins—that is the meaning of salvation. We need to remind ourselves and others that if we do not believe that his children are blameless in his sight, shame and bitterness can turn us into miserable, intolerable women.

Softens Our Hearts

Recently, a young woman told me that she was done with a community group at her church. In the past, she had told me her frustrations with the way one woman treated her, and I talked to her about working these things out so she could stay in the group. But she pulled out and went into self-protection mode, where she became inflexible with her schedule and her life. When she informed me of her decision, I told her how in my own life when I forgave a person from my heart, I felt more gratitude for my other relationships because my heart was softened. The next time I saw her, her countenance had changed and she said, “I’m still going to meet with my group. I realized how not forgiving that one woman was keeping me from enjoying the benefits of all the women.”

Redeems Situations

I once shared with a group of young professional women how a male colleague humiliated me when I was giving a talk to a group. In the middle of my talk, he stopped me and questioned where I had gotten my information. I knew I had worked hard researching the facts and said so. But afterward, I felt embarrassed that he had been so rude. However, if I had shut him down and shut him out, I would have had to live with a closed heart; so instead, I went to him and expressed how he had made me feel. A few days later, he found me and apologized because he had looked over all my research and seen it was accurate. He also admitted that he had felt intimidated by my hard work.

I told the women that story because I wanted to teach them healthy ways to deal with our hearts when we want to shut people down and shut people out. I wanted them to know that forgiveness offers people a chance to deal with their own stuff too, and when they do, the situations can be redeemed.

Requires Prayer

We can help young women understand what’s going on in their hearts when a situation angers them or stirs them up in some way by praying with them about it. Being belittled by a boss or betrayed by a friend causes conflicting feelings of guilt and shame.

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