11 Points Guide to Hooking Up by Sam Greenspan

Author:Sam Greenspan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.
Published: 2011-04-18T16:00:00+00:00

11 Keys to Dating Multiple People at Once

Dating seems to go in cycles. Sometimes you find you have a full roster of prospects who can’t get enough of you; sometimes you find yourself mindlessly doodling the words “die alone” on a Post-it at work. This list is for those times when your cup (and daytime minute usage) runneth over—when you have plenty of potential dates and you want to take a shot with all of them.

Important note before jumping in: this list isn’t a guide to cheating; it’s designed for people dating multiple people on the up-and-up (when you’re not in an exclusive relationship—including marriage—and everyone involved understands that you’re all technically free to date whomever you want).

(1) Check your conscience (and free time) at the door. Dating multiple people simultaneously is not for rookies. It’s like juggling . . . except instead of brightly colored balls you’re tossing around other people’s emotions, hopes, and sexual activity. I’ve seen a guy juggle flaming knives, and frankly that seems less precarious.

Before you start dating multiple people simultaneously, you have to recognize a few things: (1) You’re probably going to hurt some feelings; (2) you’re going to have to tell some lies (or, at least, omit some truths);166 (3) you’re going to be making a huge investment of time and money; and (4) if you hate breakup conversations—and, unless you’re some kind of freakish sadist, you ought to hate breakup conversations—you may end up having more of them than you’ve ever had before in your life.

(2) Keep your stories, jokes, anecdotes, and conversations straight. I have a friend who even went as far as taking notes at the end of his dates about what was discussed to make sure he could keep things straight. That’s an extreme—dating shouldn’t require you keeping a court reporter on retainer—but it’s illustrative of how carefully you may want to monitor your conversations.

A few times, you can get away with repeating a joke or story: “I told you that already? Are you serious? Man, my memory’s going bad with old age.” But when it becomes a chronic thing, your dates won’t be fun for him/her or for you.

(3) Don’t tell the people you’re dating about each other. Ever. Philosophies widely vary on this. My opinion: They don’t need to know about each other. They know the possibility exists that you’re dating other people. They may or may not suspect you are. But when you’re with each individual person, as long as you focus on him/her, give your full effort, and make sure he/she feels special, then you’ve handled things correctly.

By talking about the other people you’re dating, you’re suggesting that you have options . . . so the other person should work twice as hard to “win” you. That’s not a healthy dating atmosphere.167

(4) Don’t ask the people you’re dating if they’re dating multiple people. Call it a professional courtesy. Employ a strong “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy—those always seem to work smoothly and without any controversy. But really, you don’t want to be asked, and you shouldn’t ask.

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