10 Conversations You Need to Have with Yourself by Shmuley Boteach

Author:Shmuley Boteach
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.
Published: 2011-08-07T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 7

Be a Blessing, Not a Burden

CONVERSATION 7

There is enough darkness in the world already;

I should be a source of light.

For the last 250 or so years, Americans have tried just about everything to find happiness. After all, it’s our birthright, isn’t it? As Jefferson put it in our Declaration of Independence, “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Yet it’s one thing to tell people they have the right to be happy and quite another to reveal how they can achieve it.

So we have sought shortcuts. First on our list is the acquisition of money and property. As a result, America has become the richest country in the world. Yet that wealth has come at a cost, for, according to the Washington Post, Americans consume three-quarters of the world’s antidepressants. Clearly, the money thing hasn’t worked out all that well.

Some have thought to find happiness in sexual conquests, power, and fame. Still others have applied themselves to more spiritual pursuits such as religion, meditation, and yoga. No doubt, the latter quests are more fulfilling than fruitless hunts for sex and celebrity, but even they do not provide the real secret of happiness.

Thomas Jefferson was a genius, a visionary, and a patriot, but his understanding of the search for happiness was dead wrong. Happiness is not something that can be stumbled upon, like a lost wallet. Nor is it a destination toward which you can march, hoping one day you will arrive. You simply can’t pursue happiness—the more you try, the more it escapes you. It’s kind of like attempting to fall asleep. The harder you try, the more elusive it becomes.

Here, then, is the secret of happiness.

Happiness is the by-product, the automatic outcome,

and the organic result of a purposeful life.

When you have a purpose, you achieve happiness. And when you feel unnecessary, directionless—when your life is filled with meaninglessness, when you question your impact or feel irrelevant—you cannot be happy. That’s when you turn to silly and unimportant distractions to fill the void.

Take shopping, for example. Studies show that the number one cure for depression in America—the thing that most often makes us consistently happy—is impulse buying. But how happy does it make you? Isn’t it true that you feel happy for a few hours and then instantly start feeling depressed again? That’s what makes shopping an addiction. You have to consistently up the hit.

Think about the times that you have been most happy. Consult your inner voice of conscience and ask yourself,

Have promotions, bonuses, and successful investments made me happy? How about blowing my paycheck on expensive new gadgets and tropical vacations or gorging myself on junk food or trash TV? Well, they’ve been pleasant—or so it seemed at the time. But as soon as they were over, little happiness remained. In fact, these distractions seemed to create a dependency. I needed more and more of them as time went on.

The truth is, I feel most content when I have a purpose. When I’m helping my kids with their homework, I feel good about myself.

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