You're Already Amazing by Holley Gerth
Author:Holley Gerth
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: REL012000, REL012120, Christian women—Religious life, Self-acceptance in women—Religious aspects—Christianity
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
~ If you’re drawn to internal control . . . ~
You are very strict with your own behavior
You are quite hard on yourself
You tend to be anxious and find it difficult to relax
You have high expectations of yourself
You feel unsafe in situations in which you don’t know what others expect
You are continually pushing yourself to do and be more
All of us struggle with control in both of these ways at times, but there’s usually one tendency we’re drawn to more than others. (I also want to be sure to clarify that this kind of self-control is different than what the Bible talks about. Self-control as a fruit of the Spirit is a natural outflow of God leading our lives. It’s ultimately God-control. The kind of control we’re talking about here is self-imposed so that we feel safe.)
It’s easy to read what’s above and be hard on ourselves about it. But picture for a moment yourself as a little girl. You fear monsters under the bed, so you keep a little light on every night. You’re not sure what’s in that closet, so you never open the door. You hear a noise in the dark and insist your mom stays with you until you’re asleep. We’re not little girls anymore, but we still know that life can be full of darkness, “monsters,” noises we don’t understand, things that make us feel afraid. So we cope. We control.
Give that little girl inside of you some grown-up grace. Tell her you know she’s scared and you’re sorry she doesn’t feel safe. Then tell her about the heavenly Father. The One who is the forever light, who loves her, who promises to keep her secure no matter what happens.
Notice I said “secure” and not “safe.” Because the reality is that life and relationships aren’t completely safe. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). We will get hurt. We will face loss. We will be disappointed. It seems as if control is a cure for this—but it’s only an illusion. It traps us tight within our fears. Freedom only comes when we find security in Jesus, when we realize that life is hard but he is good and no matter what happens he’ll get us through it. Life is risk. Love is risk. As C. S. Lewis said:
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.[9]
Control keeps us alone. God invites us instead to love—to that wild, unknown, heart-pounding reality of relationships. We’re to give him the reins of our hearts, and then he loves others through us.
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