Woman of Mettle by Linda Caddick

Author:Linda Caddick
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: marriage, heaven, eternity, kingdom of god, the will of god, suffering persecution, the new age
Publisher: Linda Caddick

CHAPTER 19

AS THE DAYS LIMPED ON, governed by the unremitting dread of the temple guards arriving to take Rafael away, and Shana no longer having the hope of his escape to hang onto, her body began to show signs of severe physical and emotional strain. It felt as though ever-widening cracks were opening up inside her, separating her into little pieces that were beginning to drift apart. Her hands shook constantly and waves of dizziness often unbalanced her. Nausea lay like sludge in the base of her stomach and her longing for her husband and children became intolerable.

Something relatively normal in her work day finally brought her to the end of her resources. She was in the prison kitchen one afternoon, scraping the hardened remains of uneaten food off a heap of bowls when Lily told her that they had been ordered into the lower section to clean vomit from one of the empty cells where a man had died. Something snapped inside her. Her knees suddenly buckled and she fell forward onto the floor and pulled herself into a foetal position. A terrible rage exploded inside her – rage against the helplessness of those who suffered at the hands of the powerful and all the broken ugliness of what should have been a beautiful world. Not even Yeshua had been able to make it right, not even by giving up his life to heal the corrupted souls of men. Few had noticed or cared, few had recognised him for who he was, and so people continued to suffer and die, helpless victims of their own or others’ sin.

Crazed with frustration, she began to beat the floor with her fists, only half aware of the pain. She grabbed a nearby pitcher with both hands and threw it as hard as she could at the wall, shocked to see herself repeating her father’s destructive reactions but gaining morbid satisfaction when the pitcher smashed and threw a rain of jagged pieces over her head. One shard bit into her cheek and she felt the blood flowing together with her tears. She heard her own hoarse cries rasping in her throat while the steady fragmenting of herself travelled up her arms and spread throughout her body until a red-hot blackness erupted in her brain.

Lily took hold of her shoulders and shook her with such violence that her teeth bit into her tongue.

“Stop it! Stop it!” she hissed in an urgent whisper and slapped her hard across her face, sending her reeling backwards into the wall, where she stood gulping, hollow with shock.

Lily ran out to fetch some water and Shana sank to the floor again and leant limply against the wall. She had retreated to a distant place within herself from where she could view her body dispassionately, and she listened to the dull thumping in her head, becoming absorbed in its relentless rhythm. This curiously pulsing organism that was her body had a life of its own, quite separate from her. The throbbing gradually converged onto the side of one hand, sending shocks of pain up her arm.

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