With Slight Pepper by Sherwyn Besson

Author:Sherwyn Besson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-11-09T14:58:17+00:00

Becoming Mimi

Rejection was hard on Karen. Her pain was tangible, almost like physical injury to the mind and heart She felt it acutely, especially when her mind wandered Ronald. Until the breakup, she hadn’t realized how much of him had sustained her daily. She filled the space left by Ronald, with more Mimi, more Chante, and less of herself. Still, the replacements fell short; they couldn’t touch her, give her gifts, speak inspiring affirmations, do man-things around the house, or see two steps ahead. She thought hard about what people would say; she wasn’t marriage material; can’t keep a man; and too selfish. “Fuck that narrative. I’m good enough,” she told herself, but, she honestly didn’t believe one word of it.

Karen was pre-occupied with the post-mortem of the relationship. She thought long and hard about the anatomy of her bonding with and detachment from Ronald. To deal with the torment, she made commitments to change things in her life for the better. Some were impulsive and others were thought out. It was agency and it was empowering. It allowed her to be emotional without shame or judgment.

The leaden sadness prompted unbalanced behavior, and those closest to Karen, noticed her change. She had little interest in food, avoided company, and had problems concentrating. When Aunt Rita didn’t see her, she stopped by Karen’s on a Saturday, when she knew her niece would normally be cleaning. The surprise made Karen uncomfortable. Immediately, Aunt Rita knew something was terribly wrong beginning with the length of time it took Karen to open the door.

“How come you took so long? Anyone else in here? The plumber? The mailman?” Aunt Rita joked.

“Funny, ha, ha. Nope. Was in the bathroom. So, to what do I owe this surprise visit?” Karen couldn’t find the humor in Rita’s comment.

“Haven’t seen you in a while and you don’t pick up the phone anymore. I got tired of leaving messages. Everything okay?”

“I’m good aunty. Just a lil funky.” Karen confessed in resignation.

“Where’s Chante?”

“She went to dance practice then her friend’s mother is taking the girls to an Alvin Ailey performance.”

“Nice. Evening all to yourself? You and the Mr. Man going out later or making babies?”

After a worrisome pause, and a façade that changed from light clouds to a severe storm, the tears slowly trekked down channels on her face. Aunt Rita cried the same tears because she knew where they came from – heartbreak. Karen also hid a six week pregnancy. She was already considering her options.

“Baby girl, take care and take charge of yourself. You look hungry and sleepless. You need some good Alexander O’neal, Stephanie, Janet, and some Freddy to wash down a few spoonfuls of oxtails with jerk gravy. Let’s go get some Jamaican food. You already starting to look thin. Get your keys and let’s get out of this house.”

Reluctantly, Karen got her keys, knowing it was best. Aunt Rita continued with counsel, advising her that she don’t make any major changes to her life right away. She asked about Ronald and the chance of fixing the broken relationship.

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