Where There Is Life by Charlene Carr

Author:Charlene Carr
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: death, travel, hope, love, explore, loss, self realization in women
Publisher: Coastal Lines
Published: 2014-11-13T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Seventeen

I wake to the sound of other travellers moving around and speaking softly. Before I open my eyes, the resolutions of the previous night float into my consciousness. Eager to start following my plan, I get dressed quickly and go down to the lobby to email Jakob and Emily. The computer in the hostel is so unbelievably slow that this takes me over a half hour. If I want to do my planning and bookings for France online, I’ll be here all day and at four euros for every half hour that’s not a great plan. Remembering that the Piazza San Marco has a grand library, I grab my things and make my way through the crowds. Today I hardly notice the throngs of tourists, the racing and frustrated locals, or the mangy pigeons. I’m on a mission.

The library distracts me from that mission for a few minutes—it’s unlike any library I’ve ever seen. It should be a museum, almost overly ornate, and I wonder how anyone is supposed to get any work done with such stimulation.

As I leave the main corridor and explore some of the stacks, I wonder what Jenn would think of this place. For the past couple of years she’s worked as a writer and has expressed thoughts here and there of transitioning to novel writing. She studied literature in University and used to hide behind the pages of a book in our high school’s halls. She’d love it here. So would Eloise, also an avid reader. As I think of them, I get this scraping feeling in the back of my throat, like my own voice is itching to tell me something about the path I’m on. I quickly shake off the feeling and find a spot to sit, my guidebook on one side and my notebook on the other.

Discovering all there is to see and do in France takes up my whole morning. I approach the task methodically, the way I would have set up my process for an in-depth lab experiment back in University. I label and I group and by the time I’m done I’m looking at a full two-and-a-half week plan detailing everything from where I will sleep, to the best places to eat, to potential second and third place backup scenarios in case I meet people along the way who alter my plans. I don’t want to be anal about this, after all. It is still an adventure. It’s just an organized one.

Pride surges through me as I look at what I’ve put together. It feels good to have direction. I dug down to a part of me I haven’t let flourish in months—a part Matt used to love. Before I can redirect it, my mind drifts back to one of our first dates. We’d been friends for several months at that point, so there wasn’t that awkwardness and tension I often felt in the first couple of weeks of seeing someone. I knew he wasn’t interested in me just for my body or trying to get into my pants.

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