What If? by Eric Marcus

Author:Eric Marcus
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon Pulse

Do you have to have sex to know if you’re gay or lesbian?

No, you don’t. And you don’t need to have sex to know if you’re straight, either. For the complete answer to this question, please see Chapter 1, “The Basic Stuff.”

If you have sex with someone of the same sex just one time, does that make you gay or lesbian? If you have sex with someone of the opposite sex just one time, does that make you straight?

When I was a teenager, after I had my first sexual experience with a man and realized for sure I was gay, I decided that I didn’t want to be gay. So I figured if I had sex with a woman, the experience would somehow make me straight. It didn’t work. What I discovered, instead, was that trying to have sex with women made me very upset because it wasn’t something I really wanted to do; I didn’t have feelings of sexual attraction for women, so having sex with a woman felt unnatural to me.

What I didn’t understand at that age was that no sexual experience with a man or a woman, whether it’s a passionate kiss, mutual masturbation, or intercourse, has any impact on whether you’re gay, straight, or bisexual. The experience can even be pleasurable, but it makes no difference. Your sexual orientation can’t be changed by one sexual experience, one hundred sexual experiences, or by prayer, therapy, or anything else.

You may be surprised to learn that some straight people have had homosexual experiences and that some gay men and women have had heterosexual experiences. Some people have even learned that they enjoy having sex with both men and women. But while a sexual experience may help you recognize what you really feel deep down, as it did for me, no sexual experience has ever changed anyone’s true sexual orientation. Your feelings of sexual attraction are yours to keep and enjoy for the rest of your life, but you can’t do anything to change them.

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