What Does It Feel Like to Die? by Jennie Dear

Author:Jennie Dear
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kensington
Published: 2019-04-15T16:00:00+00:00

MAYBE IT HELPS TO GET TO WORK EARLIER

After Hallenbeck watched his parents suffer through holding on so tightly to their old identities when they were dying, he promised himself he’d try to avoid that self-inflicted suffering. So he’s practicing letting go now. “I think the work that people need to do, to suffer less in dying, paradoxically, more often than not, has to be done before they die,” he says. He contrasts two dying patients, both with similar levels of dementia, who were having their diapers changed. One was mortified by the experience, and Hallenbeck remembers him saying some version of the following: “Oh, the indignity of it all—how could this happen to me? It’s so undignified.” The other expressed only gratitude to the nurse’s aide: “Thank you, honey, thank you so much for doing this. I’m so grateful that you are changing this diaper for me.”

Despite the similar circumstances, one patient was suffering much more than the other. The people who tend to suffer less, Hallenbeck believes, have examined their lives deeply and tried to make important changes before they’re dying. “The ones that are really holding on to something, and they can’t let it go, or some great regret—they suffer the most, and we don’t have an easy pill for that.”

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