We Stood Upon Stars by Roger W. Thompson

Author:Roger W. Thompson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2017-05-01T16:00:00+00:00

We gathered in the living room to tell the boys about Logan. From his favorite spot between us, Logan raised his head when anyone said his name. And when we cried, he tried to raise his body. When his hind legs failed, he placed his front paw on whomever sat nearest. He looked sad. It was the look he gave from the window as he watched us load suitcases into the car.

The boys tried to say good-bye, but had no experience. They looked to me for help, with hearts crushed by feelings they didn’t understand, and I knew someday they would understand. They would know a harder world, and even then it would never be easier. I didn’t know how to help.

“It’s time.”

I moved toward Logan, and my boys threw their trembling bodies over him in an effort to protect him. I tried to explain that it wasn’t fair for him to remain in pain any longer.

“We’ll take care of  him, Daddy. Don’t take him away.”

There are no books or blogs or blueprints to prepare a father’s heart for breaking the hearts of  his children. I thought about putting this off until the following day or the day after that. Then I pulled the boys gently away and placed them in their mother’s lap. I bent low to scoop Logan from the floor, and he grunted in pain. I held his limp body close and he looked at me and his eyes were brown and deep with love. He licked my neck, and I carried him to the side van door. I could hear the boys crying, and I saw his ears perk toward the cries as I laid him in the bed I had made with his favorite blanket.

In the stale light of the veterinary operating room I could see every imperfection of  Logan’s age. The gray hairs on furrow and brow. The scars from tumors removed. I watched the vet find a vein, and I held Logan’s paw and caressed his head as he winced from the pain of the needle. I told him everything would be okay as the vet pushed in the cold medicine. Logan trusted me as he always did. The doctor left us alone.

“Remember how much you loved the water? I would get so mad at you when you would jump into the river at the spot where I was trying to fish. But you knew I wasn’t really mad.”

I put my forehead against his so my eyes would be the last thing he saw on this earth. His breath was warm and slow. I tried to be as strong for him as he had been for me when my wife and I lost our first pregnancy. And when I lost my best friend. He gave me his paw, and I held it and I rubbed in the place he liked behind his ears. I told him how much the boys and his mom would miss him. I told him how much I loved him.

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