Together: Reclaiming Co-Leadership in Marriage by Anne Evans & Tim Evans

Author:Anne Evans & Tim Evans [Evans, Anne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Image of God, Marriage, Oneness and Plurality, Eden
Published: 2014-04-13T22:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 8

ABSOLUTES AND PREFERENCES

Life Is Lived in a Story

tim+anne

A middle-aged man we will refer to as Jerry approached us at a REAL LIFE Marriage Advance. He appeared a bit upset—almost offended—that we were suggesting it’s okay for a husband and wife to prefer co-leadership and mutual authority over his traditional marriage view, which included a marital hierarchy with male authority and the husband as the designated leader.

Jerry declared, “The Bible is crystal clear that a husband has authority over a wife. This is a nonnegotiable marriage absolute!”

We asked, “Help us understand—how do you define an absolute?”

“An absolute is an absolute. It’s not compromising on biblical truth. Furthermore, if male leadership in marriage is not an absolute, do you consider anything an absolute?”

We replied, “The dictionary defines an absolute as ‘completely unequivocal and not capable of being viewed as partial or relative.’1 We believe it’s important to know the absolutes, the nonnegotiables in your life and marriage. Jerry, can we write on our whiteboard a few absolutes for you to see?”

“Sure.”

The absolutes we put on the board included the quintessential oneness of the Trinitarian God (God the Holy Spirit, God the Son, and God the Father); the birth, life, death, and life-giving resurrection of Jesus Christ; the Great Commandment (love); the Great Commission (go); justification by faith; the authority of Scripture; and the priesthood of all believers. ”Jerry,” we asked, “as you review our list, are there any of these absolutes that you do not agree with?”

Jerry said, “No—I am tracking with you on every one.”

We continued. “Jerry, in addition to absolutes, we have preferences. For example, Tim prefers ESPN to MSNBC; Anne prefers staying home and renting a movie to going to a movie theatre; we both prefer Dunkin Donuts coffee to Starbucks; and we both prefer hiking in the mountains to working out indoors. Similarly, we have friends who are fully devoted Christ followers who prefer many different things.”

“Like what?” Jerry asked.

“We have friends who prefer contemporary worship to traditional worship; others who prefer adult baptism to infant baptism (some prefer immersion to sprinkling). Some of our friends prefer believing that God still speaks; others say that everything God wants to say to us is written in the Bible. We have friends who prefer Wesleyan holiness to Reformed sanctification. Others prefer women to be encouraged to use their gifts in all church positions and offices, and some prefer women to be restricted in using all the gifts the Holy Spirit has given them solely based on gender. We have friends who prefer creationism to evolution. And we have friends who prefer Calvinism to Arminianism.2 Our point is that it’s wise to process and determine your absolutes and preferences.”

Jerry said, “Okay, I’ll admit that’s an interesting perspective on absolutes and preferences, one I’ve never heard before.”

“Jerry, note that every one of the preferences we listed can be connected to the Bible. In addition, apart from women using all their gifts in all church offices and positions, none of the other preferences are gender specific or gender exclusive.

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