This Is Not My Beautiful Life by Victoria Fedden

Author:Victoria Fedden
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781250075291
Publisher: Picador

23

It was December, and I’d signed up for the thirty-day yoga challenge for the certificate I’d get if I completed it. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, so each day when I finished a class, I was thrilled when the teacher gave me a literal gold star. In the lobby, the studio manager had hung up a big chart, which looked exactly like Em’s good behavior chart at home, and worked the same way. Every time I went to yoga, I got to put a gold star sticker on the chart by my name. It was absurdly motivating—if I got thirty stars in thirty days, I won a week of free classes, plus the certificate, which at that point seemed harder to obtain than another college degree. I planned on framing it and hanging it in the living room next to my bachelor’s and master’s.

I know I was the last person anyone would expect to do yoga for thirty straight days, but I was determined to get the last laugh on my husband. Also, I hoped that by some miracle of God, thirty straight days of yoga might fit me into a size four again. It had certainly worked for Ashley. She was three months pregnant and in better shape than ever, because she went to yoga twice a day, every single day of the week—she even talked about becoming a yoga teacher.

I, on the other hand, was still a remedial yogi and still trying to get through a class without comparing myself to the skinny bitches around me while trying to love and embrace my muffin top. Yoga might not have taught me humility yet, but I was starting to learn what it felt like to relax, and to live in the present moment, without always trying to predict the future and defend myself against whatever awful thing I thought might happen next.

One day in mid-December, I was struggling through a particularly hard class when I finally enjoyed a moment of triumph. I got my foot in the crook of my elbow. Yes! I am strong! I thought, but then the teacher came over and adjusted me, because it turned out I was actually doing the pose wrong. There were women literally twice my age in that class who were, at that moment, upside down, but I couldn’t even manage what looked like a simple pose, so I began to feel very sorry for myself again, which was not yogic at all.

We always began class by setting intentions, and that day mine had been to stop fighting. I was a fighter, and up until then I thought that was a good thing, that it meant I was determined and perseverant, and that fighting would make me tough, and that the more I fought, the less I’d be hurt. I argued and squabbled with everyone, especially Ben. He was too loud and too messy, I griped. I complained he didn’t spend enough time at home and that it was

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.