The Year of Small Things by Sarah Arthur

Author:Sarah Arthur
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Families—Religious life;Christian life;REL012000;REL012120;REL062000
ISBN: 9781493406715
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2016-12-28T21:02:59+00:00

Sarah’s Story

Erin and Dave often accuse us of having it easy: Tabitha babysits our boys every Friday night. Yes, every Friday night. This is not a requirement; it’s her gift. We could never afford to pay her what she’s worth. But in Tabitha’s mind, this is family. This is what you do. This is where the practice of hospitality pushes beyond mere living arrangements into something beautiful: a little vision of the church as family, these people as my people, made possible only in and through Christ. And meanwhile, to state the bald facts, as long as our marriage is healthy, Tabitha has a home. If our marriage falls apart from all this relentless do-gooding, where would she live? So, date night.

But we haven’t always gone out every Friday. When we were first married, it was just us; dates seemed extra special, even a bit unnecessary. We had plenty of time alone (sometimes too much). So we scheduled dates randomly, and they were often a big deal: fancy dinners, dressing up, weekends at bed-and-breakfasts, lots of creative ways to dispose of our two-income excess. Then came graduate school, followed quickly by Isaiah House. Suddenly, not only did we have no disposable income, but because three meals a day took place in communal space, we found ourselves going for weeks without a private conversation.

It didn’t take Tom long to declare this unacceptable.

“We’re going out this Friday,” he announced to our housemates, “so we won’t be here for dinner. Actually, we won’t be here on Friday nights, ever.”

“But we love you guys!” I added.

Now, on one level, this weekly commitment felt totally selfish. We were abandoning our community—which included unhappily single men and women—to do something that seemed superfluous, something that felt like privilege and independent wealth and first-world excess. Granted, our budget was only ten dollars per week, enough for a foot-long sandwich and two teeny gelatos from the Tobacco District downtown. But it was the idea of date night.

“You’re wearing a skirt!” the resident three-year-old guest exclaimed on one of those first Fridays as we headed for the door.

“I wish someone would take me out,” said his young single mom, her newborn in her arms.

I paused awkwardly by the door.

She smiled. “But it’s good for my son to see this. He needs to know that a good man treats his woman right.”

I exhaled. “Thank you,” I managed to say.

It was this brief, grace-filled exchange that showed us how, on a deeper level, our weekly date could be a way of strengthening, not abandoning, our community. When new monastics practice “support for celibate singles alongside monogamous married couples and their children,” it’s not only a way of saying that singles hold the same intrinsic worth as couples and families; it’s affirming that relational vows are not incidental to the overall health of the community. When the boundaries of marriage are valued and upheld, the community is stronger. When the practices of celibacy in singleness (whether the person wishes to be single

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