The Transgender Studies Reader by Stryker Susan; Whittle Stephen;

Author:Stryker, Susan; Whittle, Stephen;
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 1487097
Publisher: Taylor and Francis

Another MTF “had no idea” why she had “always wanted to be a girl,” but she considered it “a form of mental suicide,” the death of her self, to abandon her femininity.29

As they related their life stories, they hoped for a sympathetic ear. For some, simply writing or talking to a humane doctor was “in itself a tremendous relief.”30 But usually they wanted more. Some sought doctors’ advice on various treatment options, but many came already convinced that they wanted surgery. The surgery promised real benefits. They might live legally as they sex they desired without fear of arrest, assault, or exposure. “I want to work and live openly,” one MTF told Benjamin, “with assurance of freedom from prosecution by law.” Also, with bodily transformation, others might see and treat them as the men or women they knew or wanted themselves to be. An FTM who had lived as a man for twenty-three years explained to Benjamin: “I have to live in fear all the time … whenever it came to lite [sic] that I wasn’t a man as they thought but a woman, then I would lose my job. I have suffered years of embarrassement [sic] and ridicule.” With surgery, they hoped, they might “just liv[e] without the feeling of being a misfit.”31 But surgery was also symbolic. It was the coup de grâce that ended a “sham existence” or “a life of deceit.” Surgery was not the only part or even the most important part of the quest for authentic self-expression. For some, however, it became a defining event. An MTF told Benjamin: “I think of nothing else but the operation.”32

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