The Transgender Guidebook: Keys to a Successful Transition by Anne L Boedecker

Author:Anne L Boedecker [Boedecker, Anne L]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Published: 2012-07-30T16:00:00+00:00

PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) - www.pflag.org

Chapter Fourteen

Traveling Solo

Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.

Anais Nin There may come a time when it's clear to you that your partner or family is not going to be able to accept your transition plan. At that point you'll have a difficult decision to make. You'll have to decide if it's possible for you to leave those relationships, or if it's possible to give up or scale back your plans. Neither is a good choice (unless those relationships were abusive or destructive, in which case leaving is a good thing anyway). I have seen many clients falter and slide back because of opposition from a spouse or partner. It's easy for me to say that being yourself is worth the sacrifice, or that anyone who really loves you will support you, but I'm not in your shoes, or theirs. It's a decision that only you can make.

"Detransitioning" To detransition is to stop the train and reverse direction, to go back to your old persona after having started the physical transition. Very few transsexuals who complete a full transition try to go back to their birth sex permanently. Some who start the process go back for a period of time, due to external pressures. The most common reason is to try to make a marriage work. Annah Moore talks about this in her book Right Side Out.39Five months into her physical transition, having come out to her family, friends and co-workers, and facing a holiday alone, she flushed her hormones down the toilet and went back to being Adam. She tried to be the man her wife wanted, but in the end she became so depressed that her wife suggested she go back on the path of being her true self. She doesn't regret the year she spent trying to make it work; it helped her know for sure that she was doing the right thing by moving forward.

I have only seen a few clients try to go back to their old selves. One did so because of falling into a new relationship that was not supportive of transitioning after leaving an abusive marriage. Another went back to try to get custody of "his" son. I suspect that stopping and restarting is more common when people try to fast-forward the process. Detransitioning can be traumatic, especially if done suddenly, out of desperation. (For one thing, going off of any medication abruptly wreaks havoc on your body). It's discouraging to see the progress that you've made slip away from you. It's also humiliating to have to explain to people that you're changing back. They may see it as you admitting that you were wrong about transitioning in the first place. Once you have come out to people it compromises your credibility if you change your mind. Their perception of you is changed forever.

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