The Seven Rings of Marriage by Jackie Bledsoe

Author:Jackie Bledsoe
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Religion/Christian Life/Love & Marriage
Publisher: B&H Publishing Group
Published: 2016-02-01T05:00:00+00:00

If you have been married longer than a week, then you have probably been at this point before or are currently there now. I encourage you to do as I did: listen to the wise words my man Lecrae spoke in “Buttons,” and apply them in your marriage.

The Blame Game

In boxing they say the punch that knocks you out is the punch you don’t see. Throughout a boxing match both fighters throw and receive multiple punches. I believe about 99.9 percent of those punches would knock me clean out, but for the most part, they are able to withstand them. Every once in a while a boxer gets hit with a punch he didn’t expect or didn’t see coming. The result is usually devastating, many times resulting in a knockdown or even a knockout.

Our relationships are similar in the fact that we are faced with many challenges, and for the most part we are able to withstand them. One thing in marriage is similar to the knockout blow a boxer didn’t see coming. It can come in a flurry of other issues and never be seen. The result can be a broken relationship or one that never becomes truly fulfilling.

What is this threat to your relationship? When we are caught off guard, it eats away at our relationship from the inside before finally destroying it. We have to avoid it at all costs.

What is it? It is blame.

Blaming your spouse destroys the foundation of a healthy marriage. It tears down your spouse and makes him or her the enemy. It kills trust and intimacy by making your spouse feel alienated or like she is playing on the opposing team, which puts her on the defensive.

What do you do about this threat?

If the blame game is being played in your relationship, it is something that must be cut out. But you first have to recognize when the blame game is being played.

Here are three ways to recognize the blame game is present, so you can avoid it.

1. You use superlatives when describing something bad that happened. My wife calls me out for my use of superlatives all the time. I always seem to be using them.

“You always.”

“I never.”

“Every single time.”

I’m guilty as charged! If you notice you or your spouse using superlatives to describe negative situations, then you’re playing the blame game. Pay attention to your language, and choose different words to describe the situation.

2. You overuse, “if, then.” An “if, then” statement means whatever happened after “then” is a result of the “if.”

“If you hadn’t, then . . .”

Perhaps something your spouse did was the cause of something negative. However, other factors may be at play that are not always obvious. Instead of jumping right to “if you . . . , then . . . ,” begin to consider the big picture.

3. You are reactive. As I’ve mentioned before, one of my favorite books is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. One of the habits

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