The Scars That Have Shaped Me: How God Meets Us in Suffering by Vaneetha Risner

Author:Vaneetha Risner [Risner, Vaneetha]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Desiring God
Published: 2016-10-24T00:00:00+00:00

BEGGING GOD

Once, in the middle of giving a talk, I almost broke down. As I was recounting how I had begged God to save the life of my son, I felt my chest tighten. I remembered how desperate I felt. How sure I was that my begging would be effective. How much I wanted to compel God to do what I had asked.

After all, he is God. Nothing is impossible for him. I had never wanted anything so much in my life, and it was almost inconceivable that God would say no to such an earnest request.

But God did say no. Even as I was pleading for my son’s life, he was dying. How does a good God let that happen? I couldn’t understand that. And I remembered vividly many other times I had begged God for things that he had refused me. As a child, I begged God to heal me. In my twenties, I begged God to repair a broken romantic relationship. And several years ago, I begged God to bring my husband back.

Theology and the Holy Spirit

I wondered even as I was speaking, “Why doesn’t God answer my deepest prayers?” Of course, I had thought through my theology before delivering my message. My talk was about finding God in the middle of our mess. The point of my talk was that God uses all things in our lives for our joy and his glory.

As I was saying the words “I begged God,” I was flooded with the emotions I had felt decades earlier. Once again, I felt the raw pain of begging God and wondering why he had not answered me the way I wanted. At the time, I had felt abandoned. At the time, it seemed as though God didn’t care at all.

But as I was speaking, the Holy Spirit met me. He used the words I was saying, and had written days earlier, to minister to me in that moment. He reminded me of the truth that while he always hears and answers our prayers, his answers may look wholly different from what we expect. And even as he gives us painful struggles to endure, he carries us through them.

I was addressing a group of women, many of whom had known extraordinary hardship. As I was talking, I was thankful for my own suffering, even if it wasn’t as profound as some of theirs. My words were not phrases I had read in a book, but honest words that I had lived. In my own life, I have been much more moved by hearing someone’s experience with God than hearing them recite facts about God.

His Refusals Are His Mercies

At the end of my talk, I had an overwhelming sense of God’s purpose. I was overcome by a love for Christ and a joy in what he had done in my life. And in that roomful of women who had suffered so much, his presence was tangible. There were tears and repentance. There was hope and a renewed love for Jesus.

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