The Real Simple Guide to Real Life: Adulthood made easy. by Editors of Real Simple Magazine

Author:Editors of Real Simple Magazine [Неизв.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Oxmoor House
Published: 2015-04-06T22:00:00+00:00

The cost of living

I was terrified of spending a dime. Then I figured out a new way to tally my own personal balance sheet. By Cristina Henríquez

I CAN’T REMEMBER exactly how it started. $1.09 for a bar of soap. $7.99 for disposable razors. $22 for a wool winter coat from the thrift store. All of it felt like too much. I remember so vividly standing in the aisle of Walgreens, picking up a bottle of shampoo and putting it back again, having a conversation in my head that went something like this.

“Shampoo! Old friend!”

Put it back. You don’t need shampoo.

“Oh, really? You need to wash your hair, don’t you?”

But you don’t want to spend money.

“But it’s only $1.89.”

But you don’t want to spend money.

“Relax. It’s OK. You can afford $1.89.”

I left the store without the shampoo.

It was never really about the money, of course. I had just graduated from college and had walked at last into the wide-open world, which felt enormous and overwhelming. I had a job as an administrative assistant where I earned not very much, but enough to get by. Enough, certainly, to purchase shampoo. But I was scared of so much back then. Sirens blared near my apartment on the South Side of Chicago; cats clawed at each other in the alleyway as I tried to sleep; the radiators hissed and knocked. I was terrified that my boss would discover I had no idea what I was doing and expose me for the imposter I was. I was terrified that anyone would discover me at all, actually, not only at work but in life, and terrified, too, that they wouldn’t. The bounds of the world felt so impossibly beyond me—and they were. I couldn’t control almost anything—but I could control my money.

I sewed skirts with their uneven pleats and serpentine zippers. I gave myself haircuts, hoping no one would notice the blunt ends. I packed my lunches, said no to going out with friends, hoarded prepaid phone cards to keep from paying for long distance.

When my money anxiety got so bad that I had a panic attack, I sought out a therapist. Strangely, I remember almost nothing about the sessions—I went to only a few—but whatever happened must have helped.

Slowly, I found my bearings. The world was still huge, but within it I found a space that felt manageable and safe. Gradually, my fears diminished. The sirens, I told myself, meant someone was getting help; the radiators provided comfort through the long winters; I got better at my job. I learned to focus not only on the money I was spending but also on what I was getting for it in return. It was a lesson about the world: What you give, you get back.

From that point on, I went to Walgreens as often as I needed. I walked through the aisles and bought the razors, the soap, and, yes, the shampoo.

CRISTINA HENRÍQUEZ IS THE AUTHOR OF THE NOVELS THE BOOK OF UNKNOWN AMERICANS AND THE WORLD IN HALF.

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