The Perks of being a Duchess by Tanya Wilde

Author:Tanya Wilde
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: 0
Published: 2018-10-15T23:00:00+00:00

“So,” Jonathan said, dropping down in a chair opposite to where Ambrose nursed his brandy. “Have you come to your senses or am I still to be married off?”

“I am in possession of all my senses.”

Jonathan signaled a waiter for a brandy, pulling a pack of cards from his pockets. “The entire town is gossiping about your wedding kiss. I didn’t think such a lack of decorum was in you, brother. I still cannot believe I missed your wedding. Rumor has it that the priest had to clear his throat to get your tongue out of your bride’s mouth.”

“I was thrown off balance,” Ambrose muttered into his glass. “I reacted strangely.”

“You’ve been thrown off balance for ten years, old chap, and you never reacted like that.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means,” Jonathan said, shuffling the deck. “Celia died, Ambrose. Sometimes people just die, and you don’t get to carry that on your shoulders for the rest of your life.”

“I have made my peace with her death,” Ambrose bit out.

“Have you? It seems to me you erected walls—thick ones—around you. And the weight of her death is burying you into the ground. How is that peace?”

“And what would you know about that?”

“Like you, I carried her death on my shoulders. I thought I could have done more to help her, to protect her. I thought I could’ve done anything other than to allow her to live her life as she wished. It took me two years to realize Celia wanted her life exactly as she had it and that she would not have wanted that guilt for us. She’d have wanted us to live our lives to the fullest, like she did.”

“I sat beside her bed for hours, waiting, watching, as she passed on to the next life, Jonathan. It tore my heart to shreds. Don’t talk to me about what you think she wanted. All that matters is that I could have saved her. That I should have saved her.”

“No, you couldn’t have saved her, Ambrose. At best, you might have prolonged her life but not saved it. Neither of us could have done that.”

Ambrose said nothing.

“And as a result of that weight of guilt, you decided that caring for anyone beyond mere acquaintanceship was not a risk you were willing to take. You erected your walls and isolated yourself behind them.”

Ambrose did not want his brother to be right. But it was hard to deny the truth of his words. For the past ten years, things that had once brought him pleasure slowly lost all flavor and taste. Each year, with the weight of her death on him, he engaged less and less with the world as it was and instead, worked hard to shape it into what it should be. Worked on it until he had become a cold, controlling bastard with little else but his sense of control.

At least, some might say that.

“So I’m still to be married off?” Jonathan asked offhandedly, shuffling the cards.

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