The Odd Couple by Neil Simon

Author:Neil Simon [Simon, Neil]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Teatro, Humor
Publisher: ePubLibre
Published: 1965-03-10T05:00:00+00:00

CURTAIN

ACT II

Scene 2

TIME: A few days later. About 8 o’clock.

AT RISE: No one is on Stage. The dining table looks like a page out of House and Garden. It’s set up for dinner for four, complete with linen tablecloth, candles and wine glasses. There is a floral centerpiece and flowers about the room, and crackers and dip on the coffee table. There are sounds of ACTIVITY in the kitchen. The front door opens and OSCAR enters with a bottle of wine in a brown paper bag, and his jacket over his arm. He looks about gleefully as he listens to the sounds from the kitchen. He puts the bag on the table and his jacket over the chair, Down Right.

OSCAR. (Calls out. In a playful mood) I’m home, dear! (He goes into his bedroom, taking off his shirt, and comes skipping out shaving with a cordless razor, and with a clean shirt and a tie over his arm. He is joyfully singing as he admires the table) Beautiful! Just beautiful! (He sniffs, obviously catching the aroma from the kitchen) Oh, yeah. Something wonderful is going on in that kitchen… (He rubs hands gleefully) No, sir. There’s no doubt about it. I’m the luckiest man on earth (Puts razor into his pocket, and begins to put on shirt. FELIX enters slowly from the kitchen. He’s wearing a small dish towel as an apron. He has a ladle in one hand. He looks silently and glumly at OSCAR, crosses to the armchair and sits) I got the wine. (Takes bottle out of the bag and puts it on the table) Batard Montrachet. Six and a quarter. You don’t mind, do you, pussycat? We’ll walk to work this week. (FELIX sits glumly and silently) Hey, no kidding, Felix, you did a great job. One little suggestion? Let’s come down a little with the lights… (Switches off wall brackets) and up very softly with the music. (He crosses to stereo in bookcase and picks up albums) What do you think goes better with London broil, Mancini or Sinatra? (FELIX just stares ahead) Felix?… What’s the matter? (Puts albums down) Something’s wrong. I can tell by your conversation. (Goes into bathroom, gets bottle of after shave lotion, comes out and puts it on) All right, Felix, what is it?

FELIX. (Without looking at him) What is it? Let’s start with what time do you think it is?

OSCAR. What time? I don’t know. Seven-thirty?

FELIX. Seven-thirty? Try eight o’clock.

OSCAR. (Puts lotion down on small table) All right, so it’s eight o’clock. So? (Begins to fix tie).

FELIX. So?… You said you’d be home at seven.

OSCAR. Is that what I said?

FELIX. (Nods) That’s what you said. “I will be home at seven” is what you said.

OSCAR. Okay, I said I’d be home at seven. And it’s eight. So what’s the problem?

FELIX. If you knew you were going to be late, why didn’t you call me?

OSCAR. (Pauses while making tie) I couldn’t call you. I was busy.

FELIX. Too busy to pick up a phone?… Where were you?

OSCAR.

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