The Money Shot: A Comedy by Neil LaBute

Author:Neil LaBute [LABUTE, NEIL]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: DRA000000, DRA001000
ISBN: 9781468314021
Publisher: The Overlook Press
Published: 2014-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

STEVE Fine. Agree to disagree, then. (Beat. ) Are we gonna do this thing or not? Some of us have to be in a make-up chair at 5:30. A.M.

STEVE plops down near MISSY as KAREN and BEV get settled.

MISSY … are we eating soon?

KAREN In a minute, Missy. (To the others. ) We’re here to talk through this love scene—not to discuss the history of the world. Right?

BEV Yes, sorry, you’re right.

STEVE Fine. (To the others. ) Okay, so how do we start this? Is someone gonna … what?

KAREN I can … I mean, I’m the one who got us into this mess. At least, technically! Asked for us to get together and talk. (Laughs. ) So listen … Christof has come back to us—to Steve and myself—with a new approach to the “bed scene,” which we’re entertaining … obviously …

BEV Obviously …

KAREN … and so we’d like to discuss it with you guys. Our loved ones. (Beat. ) So, I think …

STEVE Guy’s a little prick … he really is.

KAREN He’s just … different. He’s European.

STEVE Ummm … Belgium isn’t necessarily European. Is it?

MISSY I’m not sure.

STEVE I mean, I know it’s officially in the European continent or whatever, but I thought that they … didn’t they break off from everybody else or something? A few countries did. I’m sure that I saw something on Fox News about it …

BEV No. They’re still in Europe.

STEVE You sure? Can you look it up?

BEV I don’t need to look it up, Steve … I’m alive and living in the world enough to know that one fact: Belgium continues to be part of the continent known as Europe.

STEVE Ok, fine! Agree to disagree. God, I thought editors were supposed to be patient.

This is too much. BEV throws up her hands and makes a big show out of her response to this.

BEV I am patient! I have been incredibly nice and patient with you guys tonight—all of you—but I wanna get going on this now … alright? That’s all. Can we, please?

STEVE Yes. Sure. I’m not stopping anybody … all I did was ask an innocent question.

BEV Fine. Yes, Belgium is in Europe. Germany, too … just in case you were gonna make another Nazi joke!

STEVE I wasn’t. (To himself. ) Jeez, give ’em a break, they’re just people …

STEVE turns away a little from the others—he is covertly pulling out his iPhone. He clicks on a few keys.

KAREN … Bev, honey … can we …?

BEV I’m done. Go ahead.

MISSY When is dinner again? Sorry, I’m getting a little hungry …

KAREN It should be very close now, Missy. I’ll run in and check in just a minute … I’m a spokesperson for Viking stoves so I’ve got the best equipment in my kitchen. So precise.

MISSY Cool.

MISSY checks what STEVE is up to and sees an opportunity—she quickly shoves another shrimp snack into her mouth.

KAREN Yes, so why don’t we … just …?

STEVE Ha! Here we go! I knew it! (Reading. ) “Belgium is part of the EU.

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