The Grandfamily Guidebook by Andrew Adesman

Author:Andrew Adesman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing

Your Relationship with Your Grandchild’s Teacher

Here are some suggestions for working well with teachers, especially during school conferences but also at other times.

Listen to the Teacher

Listening is more than just hearing—it’s an act of open-mindedness. At school conferences, on the phone, or whenever you are communicating with teachers, listen carefully (and take notes). You’re listening for new information: teachers may have real insights about your grandchildren. It’s helpful to get a sense of the children’s progress not only relative to their grade level but also relative to their own recent past. Are your grandchildren’s grades and behavior better or worse now than at an earlier time? If so, what has changed? If you don’t know, ask their teachers.

Whether teachers are offering praise, criticism, or both, are they offering evidence, such as test scores, grades, or other quantifiable data? Listen for that type of information too. If they don’t supply it, ask if it is available. (Many schools do extensive testing, so testing data is likely available.)

Do you see any patterns in the information? Maybe your grandchild is doing well in math but not well at all in spelling or reading, which may indicate a learning disability. Has the teacher requested any testing for a disability?

What is the main point the teacher is trying to convey? Make a statement about it and ask if it reflects what the teacher is saying, such as “I think the main point here is that you are concerned because Carrie has not completed a lot of homework assignments. Is that right?”

Does the teacher have recommendations for what you and the child should do? If you are not sure, then ask.

Most teachers today realize that more and more grandparents are raising their grandchildren. But what if the teacher seems reluctant to talk to you, rather than a parent, at a parent-teacher conference? Explain that you are parenting your grandchild now and that this situation is likely to continue for the long term (if you think that is true). Tell the teacher you are willing and available to help your grandchild, you want to work with the teacher, and you will share any major changes or issues that come up in the child’s life. Most teachers will appreciate the opportunity to work with family members. At the same time, respect the child’s privacy, and do not overshare.

Remember, the teacher doesn’t need to know that Isabella’s father is in prison for assaulting her mother, who is now in rehab. But if Isabella has been anxious or sad, you may wish to share that general observation. If she has post-traumatic stress disorder because of past crises or reactive attachment disorder (RAD) because of a lack of early bonding, you might say she has “extra emotional issues we are working on.” This can help the teacher to be more sensitive and understanding. You’ll learn more about these disorders in chapter 9.

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