The Game Plan: The Men's 30-Day Strategy for Attaining Sexual Integrity by Joe Dallas

Author:Joe Dallas
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Sexuality & Gender Studies, ebook, Christian Men, Christian Life, General, Religion, Religious Life, Chastity, Sex - Religious Aspects - Christianity, Sex, Men's Issues, Christianity, Religious Aspects, Christian Men - Religious Life
ISBN: 9780849906336
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2005-07-18T22:00:00+00:00

DAY 15

THE WOUNDED PLAYER

Sometimes one has simply to endure a period of depression for what it may hold of illumination, if one can live through it, attentive to what it exposes or demands.

—MAY SARTON

There was no more putting it off—I had to see the dentist.

I’d avoided him for months, even though my left lower tooth was hurting so badly it brought me to tears. I knew if I saw the dentist he’d tell me I had a cavity, and I’d never had one before. So the idea of a drill and a needle in my mouth scared me away from the help I needed, until finally the pain became unbearable.

“Congratulations, Joe,” he smiled. “You not only have your first cavity, but you’ve let this go for so long, your decay has reached your gum line. Now you need more than a filling. You need a root canal.”

A Player is a steward of his emotions, so he addresses them by attending to his wounds through honesty and forgiveness.

He recommended I make an appointment for surgery. Of course, I didn’t. I did, though, discover an over-the-counter product called Anbesol, which, when swabbed over my tooth, effectively numbed the pain and thereby allowed me to go on ignoring the problem.

Within months, I lost the tooth entirely. By using Anbesol, I had killed the pain that was trying to draw my attention to the problem. And by ignoring the problem, I had only damaged myself further.

The medication I used on my wound became the very thing that kept it from healing. If I’d only been willing to address the pain head-on, I’d still have the tooth.

“PLEASE, NO TOUCHY-FEELY!”

I can almost hear you saying it. We’re about to discuss emotional wounds, and you’re afraid I’m going to ask you to go curl up in a corner and cry your little eyes out because your second-grade classmates laughed at your orange sweater.

Relax. I’m not into that.

I’m leery of the “touchy-feely” approach toward dealing with emotional pain. Self-pity never advanced any man’s maturity, and I find it downright spooky when guys seem a little too anxious to cry.

Still, wounds exist, and plenty of Players carry them into the arena. To play well, you have to be aware of your wounds and, if necessary, take care of them. For that reason, we’ll spend some time discussing emotional wounds, their role in sexual sin, and the best ways to deal with them.

THE NATURE OF EMOTIONAL WOUNDS

Let’s define emotional wounds as past injuries of the soul that still show themselves, either in current pain or current behavior.

They can show themselves in current pain through memories that just won’t die. Sometimes a mental picture of a traumatic event—a childhood humiliation or tragedy, for example—keeps intruding into your thoughts. Maybe you let yourself relive it, and all the pain of the event comes flooding back, reopening the sore and making it worse.

Or you may relive the event mentally, but then, in your imagination, you put a different ending on it. That’s a common little mind game.

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