The five love languages of teenagers by Chapman Gary D. 1938-

Author:Chapman, Gary D., 1938-
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Teenagers, Parent and teenager, Parenting, Adolescent psychology, Interpersonal communication in adolescence, Teenaers, Parent and teenager, Parenting, Adolescent psychology, Interpersonal communication in adolescence
Publisher: Chicago : Northfield Pub.
Published: 2000-07-25T16:00:00+00:00

The Five Love Languages of Teenagers

The purpose of anger is to motivate us to take loving action; that is, to do something to try to turn the teenager or parent in the right direction. Unfortunately, many of us have never learned how to take such loving action, and we end up taking destructive action. Sometimes in our response to anger we end up making the situation even worse.The purpose of this chapter is twofold: to help parents manage their own anger in a loving way and to give parents practical ways of teaching their teenager to handle anger positively.

THE NEED TO MANAGE OUR OWN ANGER

We are not likely to teach our teenagers what we have not learned ourselves. Many parents can identify with Marvin, an Idaho potato farmer, who once said to me, "I never experienced intense anger until I got married. And I never experienced superintense anger until I had teenagers."Though we experience anger in all arenas of life, some of our most intense anger is toward family members, and particularly teenagers.

Why Teens Anger Us

Why do we often experience more anger toward our teenagers than we do our younger children? Primarily because of the changes that are going on inside the teenager, which we have discussed in earlier chapters. The teen's increased intellectual abilities to reason and think critically about issues allow him to question our judgment in a way he did not do as a child. This intellectual growth is accompanied by the push toward independence and self-identity that may lead the teenager not only to question our judgment but to choose noncompliance. Not only is he thinking for himself, he is deciding for himself. This often puts the teenager in conflict with the parent and stimulates anger within the parent.

The parent sees the teenager's behavior as defiant, rebellious, or irresponsible. The parent reasons, This is not good for my son [daughter]. He is going to wreck his own life. This is not a pattern I can allow to continue. Anger motivates a father or mother to take action. Unfortunately, if the parent does not realize that he or she is now dealing with a teenager rather than a child, the parent s action may in fact make the situation worse.

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