The End of My Addiction by Ameisen M.D. Olivier

Author:Ameisen M.D., Olivier [Ameisen M.D., Olivier]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Macmillan
Published: 2008-12-22T23:00:00+00:00

It was time to let Philippe Coumel know what I had been exploring.

When I went to visit him in August, he was in the hospital and his appearance shocked me. He was clearly very ill, but his intelligent eyes and his smile were unchanged, and his mind remained razor sharp.

His wife was with him in the hospital room. It was the first time we had ever met. After a few moments, she excused herself to give Philippe and me some time alone.

I brought him up-to-date on my recent online investigations and my self-experiments with baclofen and topiramate. I described baclofen’s very different effects on me compared to all the other medications I had taken for anxiety or alcoholism. And I outlined my reasons for surmising that my best future course of treatment was to increase my daily intake of baclofen until it produced complete abstinence or limiting side effects.

Just as he had when I was reporting my M.D. thesis findings, Philippe listened with penetrating attention, occasionally asking me to elaborate on changes in my anxiety and alcoholism symptoms in response to different medications. Forgetting his own concerns, my mentor, my friend, gave himself completely to helping me sharpen my self-diagnosis and my rationale for treating alcoholism with high-dose baclofen.

Philippe said, “Olivier, you have always been a splendid listener with your patients, and now you are giving yourself the same benefit: you are giving the most marvelous descriptions. Your supposition that muscular tension and addictive craving must be connected by an unknown mechanism makes perfect sense. Don’t let yourself be crushed by disappointment if you are wrong. But your plan could work, and I believe it should work. I will look forward to hearing your results.”

It had been four years since Philippe had spurred me on to save myself. He had so memorably written me, “I never let you down, and I will never drop you as a friend. More important, I cannot believe that a man of your intelligence cannot find the solution.”

He had been true to his word. And I was doing everything I could to be true back to him.

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