The Dud Avocado by Elaine Dundy

Author:Elaine Dundy
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781590174135
Publisher: New York Review Books
Published: 2007-01-01T10:00:00+00:00

It was halfway through the morning, the sun shining into my hotel room between spaces in the drawn curtains, and I was lying naked under the bedclothes feeling that something had gone horribly, horribly wrong. For one thing, there at my feet sat Larry, getting dressed not quickly exactly, but, well, steadily. For another, although I couldn’t remember any of the details, the whole thought stretched across my mind was: What a stupid thing to have done. What a stupid thing to have done.… But what? What? It was no use. Whatever it was seemed destined to remain buried deep down inside that bed forever.

I made a colossal effort. I raised myself up and said hello.

“Good morning,” said Larry. “How do you feel?”

“Gosh, I——” I stopped. Quite independently of anything I knew about myself, I found I was all hot and faint. My breath was coming in gasps. Larry went right on dressing. The suspense was suffocating.

“What … happened?” I finally asked.

There was a pause during which I had to close my eyes.

“Don’t worry, it’s O.K. Nothing,” he assured me.

Nothing! I was reeling with shame.

“Was I … just … too awful … or something?” I whispered faintly.

“Oh no. Oh, come now. As a matter of fact we were both pretty drunk you know, and tired, and exhausted and overwrought. I—um—I didn’t mean to take advantage of you.…”

“Oh, but you didn’t. I mean please don’t——”

“Well, luckily nothing happened, so it’s all turned out for the best.”

I slid down under the bedclothes and over to my other side. Larry’s reluctance—he just didn’t want me, that was the thing— that was the final piece in the emotional jigsaw of last night. That was what my feelings of shame and humiliation were all about—oh, brother.…

“I’ve got the most awful hangover, so that I don’t think I shall live unless I have some aspirin,” I groaned. “Could you please go over to the shelf by the basin and pour me out a couple of hundred?”

“Sure, honey.” In a thrice there was such a clatter and clash among the bottles I had to bite back a scream. Eventually he stood over me with a glass of water and two aspirin. I took the pills and fell back, closing my eyes. He finished dressing quickly and I felt him at the bed again, standing over me. I’ll just pretend to be asleep, I thought, then he’ll go away and I can forget about the whole thing.

He stood there for a long moment. I began breathing evenly. Another age went by: there was an itch on my leg that I simply had to scratch. I tried to combine it with a sort of sleeper’s stretch.

“Gorce,” he said softly.

Much unnecessary business, waking up slowly, stirring sleepily, blinking eyes, etc.

“Gorce?” A little louder.

“Oh. Are you still here?”

“I’m just leaving——”

“Then get out!” I exploded.

“Yes. Yes, I know. Well—thanks for—I mean—oh, you know— I’ll see you around, darling—good-by.…”

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