The Cove by Julie Didcock-Williams

Author:Julie Didcock-Williams [Didcock-Williams, Julie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Blackbird Press
Published: 2020-08-05T22:00:00+00:00

I left The Cottages and headed back to the cliffs above Tor Ness Cove to watch the waves crashing into the lighthouse, pulling my breath back into my lungs as a way of trying to calm the shaking that had enveloped me the minute I’d left Magnus’s presence. I paced up and down on the edge of the cliffs sending tiny clumps of rubble crashing on to the white sands beneath me, clenching and unclenching my fists as I walked, cursing myself for what I’d offered him. The corncrakes had been our secret, mine and Jeanie’s, and since she’d gone it had been the one place where I could speak to her and feel at ease and free. That feeling of release enabled me to carry on, waiting for the day that the feeling would be permanent. Magnus would trample on that, would take that away from me and it was my fault, I had given it to him and I didn’t understand why.

I stopped, faced the lighthouse and screamed as loudly as I could, hearing the sound bounce across the bulging rollers of the Atlantic. I carried on screaming until my throat could no longer make a sound and a rusty metallic taste filled my mouth. Enough. The feeling of panic receded as the tension holding my body stiff released its grip. I recalled the way Magnus had shifted towards me and away from the Danish girls; how in that tiny moment we were a unit that excluded them, excluded everyone else. Until then, I’d been the child left behind; the one everyone was stuck with once the true object of devotion had disappeared. No one had chosen me before. That’s why I’d offered him the most precious thing I had: because when he looked at me, he didn’t see what I wasn’t, what had vanished, he saw what was in front of him. He saw me.

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