The Controlling Husband by Dr. Ron Welch

Author:Dr. Ron Welch [Welch, Rob]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: FAM030000, Control (Psychology)—Religious aspects—Christianity, Husbands—Psychology, Marriage—Religious aspects—Christianity
ISBN: 9781441245045
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2014-04-22T00:00:00+00:00

When the Church Is the Problem

Churches across America and the world endorse very different views on biblical models of marriage. These range from a complementarian view that says husbands and wives make different but complementary contributions to the relationship, to the egalitarian view that husbands and wives make more equal contributions. However, I have had numerous clients who have heard pastors preach that wives are called to simply agree with whatever husbands say at all times—a view that is not consistent with either biblical teaching or common sense.

Wives whose husbands have adopted this latter view can become depressed and then feel guilty about feeling depressed! This is reinforced when their female Christian friends tell them they would understand how to submit if they read the Bible and prayed more. Just what they need, friends adding more guilt by telling them they are not only failing as wives but failing as Christians too.

When a church endorses this type of dictatorial control in marriage, defining it as biblically supported headship and submission, that church becomes complicit in the destruction of these marriages and the people in them. There is simply no biblical evidence to support the view that wives need to accept second-class citizenship in marriage to please God.

Craig Blomberg noted the following in a 2011 blog post: “My main point is that no matter where you come down on the vexed term kephalē, usually translated ‘head’ in verse 23, such headship is never a matter of privilege but only of responsibility. . . . None of us as husbands will ever come close. But we know our marching orders. And in most cases it means replacing ‘controlling’ behavior with ‘empowering’ behavior.”5

In my opinion, it is only in a climate of mutual respect, honor, selflessness, and dedication that biblical submission can take place without the development of a controlling, oppressive environment. In entirely too many couples, one partner submits to the other out of fear. The result is a stifling relationship in which a wife feels unloved, disrespected, dishonored, and controlled. In contrast, a relationship of mutual submission often results in mutual respect, honor, and love.

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