The Antelope in the Living Room: The Real Story of Two People Sharing One Life by Shankle Melanie

Author:Shankle, Melanie [Shankle, Melanie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781414385556
Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Published: 2014-02-04T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 11

That Time I Almost Went on Judge Judy

A FEW YEARS AGO Perry began to talk about something called a Bad Boy Buggy. I wasn’t sure what he meant by Bad Boy Buggy, but I assumed he wasn’t talking about the car that belonged to my high school boyfriend. My assumption proved correct when he began to show me various websites depicting what appeared to be a camouflaged golf cart driving through muddy terrain with the clever tagline “They’ll never hear you coming.”

It’s very similar to the way the Native Americans hunted the land, except they used arrows instead of a four-wheel-drive electric vehicle. Although legends say some tribes did use Bad Boy Buggies, depending on whether they had electricity in their tepees to charge the batteries.

I can’t recall my exact sentiments regarding the purchase of a Bad Boy Buggy, but I believe they might have been along the lines of “You have a hunting vehicle. It’s called the truck sitting in our driveway.”

The blame for this whole idea lies solely with all those hunting shows he watches on the Outdoor Channel. All of a sudden it’s like it’s not enough to hunt using the legs God gave you. You need a stealth vehicle to transport you and your various weaponry from location to location.

But life has a way of smiling down on Perry, and a few months later he contracted a huge landscaping job for a major golf course development. The only problem was that he needed some way to transport all their equipment and materials across the golf course without damaging the existing turf. Ironically, the answer to that solution was a brand-new Polaris Ranger XP 700, which is pretty much a Bad Boy Buggy but without the clever name.

And let me clarify that this purchase was made during the time when I was still employed by the pharmaceutical industry and we threw money around like we were the federal government. Unfortunately we didn’t throw any of that money toward some granite countertops and a farmhouse sink for the kitchen before I became unemployed, but the most important thing is that we have a vehicle we can drive through a lake. And that I now make pennies a day as a professional writer and spend all day in yoga pants.

(Okay, some days I put on yoga pants. Other days I never get out of my pajamas. This is either a high or a low, depending on your philosophy of life.)

Anyway, the 2007 Polaris Ranger XP 700 served us well for the better part of two years. It fulfilled its duties as an essential part of Perry Shankle Landscaping and eventually made its way to the ranch to serve double duty as a hunting vehicle and as a means for Caroline to do her best imitation of Toonces the Driving Cat while she drove it all over God’s green earth. Or brown earth, as the case may be, since we live in drought-stricken South Texas.

Then one day Perry took it to the shop to have a little minor work done.

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