The Aladdin Factor by Jack Canfield

Author:Jack Canfield [Canfield, Jack & Hansen, Mark Victor]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781101666357
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2016-11-01T10:43:07+00:00

Whenever you can get around to it.

Whenever it is convenient.

Sometime soon. (What’s soon? Today? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month?)

Next week sometime.

Later today.

Whenever.

You know.

Surprise me.

Here’s what works:

“Hi, we’re looking to buy a dishwasher for under $600 today and we need to have it installed on Monday. Is that something you can do?”

“I want you to fill out these forms, make two copies and have them all on my desk by two o’clock this afternoon.”

“I told my parents I had to have a phone in my room so they moved all of my stuff into the living room.”

Ask for what you want, not for what you don’t want.

WRONG: I don’t want you to yell at me anymore.

RIGHT: I want you to stop yelling and talk to me in a normal tone of voice. If you start to lose control, I want you to take a time-out for five minutes and come back when you’ve calmed down.

WRONG: Don’t slam the door when you leave.

RIGHT: Please close the door softly when you leave.

The reason this is important is that when you tell someone what you don’t want, their mind creates a picture of the words you use. “Don’t slam the door,” evokes a picture of a door slamming. “Close the door softly,” evokes a picture of closing the door softly. Psychologists tell us the unconscious mind filters out all negative words. So again, “Don’t slam the door,” becomes “Slam the door.” Now you can see why it is important to ask for what you want instead of what you don’t want.

When feelings are involved, use the following formula:

When you______________________,

I feel_________________________,

and what I want is__________________.

Let’s break that down a bit.

Be specific and descriptive. Be neutral, not judgmental. For example:

WRONG: When you act like a jerk . . .

RIGHT: When you get drunk and start flirting with other women . . .

WRONG: When you get defensive . . .

RIGHT: When you start telling jokes and changing the subject instead of listening to me . . .

So, here’s what the whole formula might sound like:

WRONG: You are such a jerk around other women.

RIGHT: When you get drunk and start flirting with other women I feel scared that you are going to leave me, and what I want is for you to dance and talk to me at parties and reassure me that I am the one you love.

WRONG: You are so inconsiderate.

RIGHT: When you play your radio that loud, I can’t hear myself think. I feel frustrated that I can’t concentrate on finishing my report, and what I want is for you to either turn the volume way down or wear your headphones.

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