Super You by Emily V. Gordon

Author:Emily V. Gordon [Gordon, Emily V.; Partlow, Hannah Nance]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781580055765
Publisher: Seal Press

Weaknesses We Can Change: Sneaky Self-Destructive Behaviors

I have friends who will rail on about how drug addicts ruin their lives with their unhealthy behavior, and then not eat until dinnertime because they’re swamped at work. Not only do they not make the connection between the two unhealthy habits, but they fail to see their behavior as anything but noble, the badge of a hard worker. Of course, while hazardous substance abuse is a bit more severe than workaholism, don’t for a second think that intense overwork doesn’t jeopardize your health. Self-destructive behavior comes in many forms—but when it’s for the greater good, like burning yourself out at work, yes, it punishes you, but it also makes you look like a superstar for working so hard. Watch out for that sneaky trap.

I was self-destructive for years, first in a pretty obvious, after-school special kind of way, and later in this more sneaky way. I didn’t feel worthy of good treatment, so out of hatred of my body I put myself in dangerous situations and harmed myself in as many ways as I could. I was casual with my health and well-being. I kept people around me who were cruel to me because I was lonely. The more obvious self-destructive behaviors of people in this mindset might include:

Picking fights with people who care about you out of wanting to release anger

Substance abuse (not just use, but abuse)

Unsafe sexual promiscuity

When I grew up a bit and went to graduate school, I proudly announced myself “cured” of my self-destructive habits because I no longer did risky things that made my friends shake their heads and proclaim I was nuts. During this time I had regular sixteen-hour days—classes, internship, two jobs—for which I perfected the art of eating while driving. I chose to work constantly rather than take on loans and long-term debt, and I took on extra responsibilities because I wanted to get as much out of the experience as I could. But these choices quickly surpassed “useful” and drove deep into self-destructive territory. The truth is that graduate school itself is self-destructive—it just has a positive goal. Some of these less obvious self-destructive behaviors include:

Getting into Twitter fights with strangers

Hooking up with lots of partners in a way that makes you feel small

Not giving yourself any downtime

Then, when I graduated and found my first real job, I still burned the candle at both ends, mostly out of feeling as if it was the only way to be an effective adult. My effectiveness had to come at the cost of my health. At some point I realized I needed to do more work on myself: I needed to address why I felt the need to harm myself physically and emotionally, regardless of the cause. For me, self-destructive behaviors boiled down to feeling like I needed to apologize for my existence, and offering myself up as a sacrifice and an apology.

So how about you? Let’s say you consistently put other people’s needs ahead of your own.

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