Sober Siblings by Patricia Olsen

Author:Patricia Olsen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Da Capo Press

You shouldn’t feel guilty no matter what you decide. Every alcoholic is unique, as is every sibling of an alcoholic. You have a responsibility to do what’s best for yourself, and what’s right for one person may not be right for another.

Dr. Levounis says:

You may well find, at any point in your relationship with your sibling, that without even being prompted he apologizes for past hurts he has inflicted. Step 9 of AA’s 12-step program instructs people to make amends for the wrongs they have done. If your brother or sister has been to AA meetings and is working the steps, he may be willing to make amends to you.

You may believe your relationship is past that point. If that’s where you are mentally, consider this psychological premise: When we’re developing a relationship with someone, a part of us leaves our soul and inhabits the other person. In other words, we give part of ourselves to that person. If that person or our relationship dies, part of ourselves is at large; there’s a chunk of our soul floating out there. That’s a painful and powerful state of being, especially for a sibling. The process of healing the loss is reclaiming the part of ourselves that is out there. It’s a major undertaking. So if at some point you decide to cut ties with your brother or sister, don’t underestimate the pain you may end up feeling, because part of yourself has been given to that sibling. The way to make yourself whole again is by reclaiming that part of yourself.

That’s the theoretical explanation. In practice, you need to look for alternatives to the part of yourself given to your sibling. Examine the healthy ingredients of your relationship and think about how else you can fill this portion of your life. You may want to resurrect friendships that you have neglected, and re-engage.

Helen, a patient of mine, had several girlfriends and a close relationship with her alcoholic brother Harry, but no male friends other than her husband. When she felt she had to sever ties with Harry, she realized he was the only man she knew with whom she was not in a romantic relationship. She missed that relationship tremendously. As part of her healing process she decided to rekindle ties with Tony, a good friend from college. They had spent a lot of time together but had lost touch through the years. Through this friendship, she was able to recapture some of the good qualities she had found in her brother.

Let’s remember that you’re looking to replace the healthy ingredients of a relationship with your sibling, not the unhealthy ones. Remember, too, that sometimes the relationship with your sibling can be repaired and restored. One thing that appealed to me about specializing in the treatment of addiction is that frequently, once a person gets sober, a new person emerges—one who is healthy, vibrant, colorful, and, much to my surprise, more mature and wonderful to talk to than I would ever have expected.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.