Sin, Sushi & Survival by Erla-Mari Diedericks

Author:Erla-Mari Diedericks
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Sin, Sushi & Survival
ISBN: 9781770222113
Publisher: Penguin Random House South Africa
Published: 2011-03-10T00:00:00+00:00

13

Cupid Does Porn

I am shitting myself. Waldo and I are standing in the middle of an industrial area, near a deserted car park. Ahead of us is a dirty wall, illuminated by a red light above a big door. My lust evaporates in the cold night air.

The door opens. Good Lord. I’m in a low-budget porn movie. Behind an imposing black desk in a dingy foyer towers a bald giant. He’s wearing a white vest with a glinting gold chain around his neck. Up his arm snakes a bevy of tattoos. He looks me up and down. Then, with a sigh, he hands me two white towels.

WHAT? Am I going to be raped and plundered to a bleeding pulp to such an extent that I’ll have to wipe down the floor myself? ‘What’s the towel for?’ I hiss in Waldo’s direction, but he just smiles angelically at me. His dimples are starting to look sinister.

Then the bouncer hands me a key. ‘What’s the key for?’ I demand. Waldo only smiles. I feel like sticking the key into his dimples and ripping them out.

‘Follow me,’ he says, and heads for a rickety staircase that spirals downwards into a glittering darkness.

The first thing I see is a large black cage, glistening in the semi-dark. Inside are two huge rings fastened to the cage’s roof with thick chains. Attached to the rings are handcuffs. ‘What’s that?’ I whisper urgently.

‘Oh, that! It’s the punishing chamber,’ says Waldo nonchalantly.

I am so close to shitting myself that the towels might come in handy. Then we turn sharply right and I am surrounded by rows of lockers and a big communal shower. I am reminded of concentration camps, sweaty gyms, a slaughterhouse. I WANT TO GO HOME!

‘What are the lockers for? What are the towels for? Tell me!’

‘Relax, baby – they are for when you want to go to the Jacuzzi and need a place to keep your clothes.’ He takes my hand. ‘Don’t be scared. Everything will be okay.’

We go up another staircase. This one is carpeted in a dirty blue. Then we’re in a long, blue corridor with lots of doors. I once read a Brothers Grimm fairy tale about a king who had a corridor filled with rooms just like this one. He told his new wife that she was never to open any of the doors. Of course, she did, only to find a beheaded wife rotting behind each door. I WANT TO GO HOME.

Waldo is smiling to himself again. He’s starting to scare me. One by one he opens the doors, showing me the hidden treasures inside. The Egyptian room is decorated with majestic pillars, hieroglyphics and golden pharaohs. The whole floor is covered with leather seating and a bed area and colourful pillows. ‘This is the Egyptian voyeur room,’ says Waldo. ‘You can come here to look on one condition: you have to be naked too.’ As we walk out, I notice a box of tissues and a bowl of condoms in the corner.

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